Dysfunction Junction

Today we are going to discuss dysfunctional pro sports teams. One of the more sensational headlines of the past week was the revelation by Orlando Magic Head Coach Stan Van Gundy that center Dwight Howard, the team’s star player, allegedly approached Magic management and asked that Van Gundy be fired. This incident occurred during a press conference, a press conference in which Howard was in the room. Howard later denied approaching management with such a request.

Stan Van Gundy: A.K.A. "Stan Van Jeremy" and (according to Shaq) "The Master of Panic" 1

AWK-WARD!!!

If “awkward” is the new funny, then the Magic organization must be in stitches right now! This is the latest in an increasing trend of dysfunctional relationships among players, coaches, and management in professional sports organizations. This latest chapter for the Magic comes after most of the season was spent speculating, in a circus-like atmosphere, whether or not Howard would stay with the team next year and, if not, where he wanted to be traded.

The interesting dynamic is that the Magic will be in the playoffs and are only one game back of the Indiana Pacers for third place in the Eastern Conference. Most teams in similar situations are not so fortunate. Perhaps that is a testament to Van Gundy’s coaching ability and/or Howard’s dominance on the court. Perhaps the wheels have simply not come off yet.

Van Gundy, left, has a pair for stepping into the square with Dwight "Superman" Howard, right. 2

D.C. CAROUSEL

The Washington Redskins are the reigning kings of dysfunction in the NFL, though they have some close competition from the Miami Dolphins and Oakland Raiders. The Redskins have won 15 games in the last three years. The Redskins only have two playoff appearances in this century and only one in the past 35 years if one excludes the teams of the 1980s and early 1990s coached by Hall of Famer Joe Gibbs, who came out of retirement from 2004-2007 in an attempt to salvage some respectability for the franchise.

The Redskins are known for having an owner in Dan Snyder who is willing to spend it all to win. He has simply spends it all wrong! Transactional debacles since Snyder has owned the team include Bruce Smith, Andre Reed, Deion Sanders, Donovan McNabb and Albert Haynesworth, the gold standard for wasteful free agency spending. Last month, McNabb, whose reputation as a class act and a team player preceded him after a career in Philadelphia (perhaps the toughest and most fan-critical environment for a high profile athlete), threw the Redskins under the bus as a difficult place for a young quarterback to develop. McNabb last played for the Redskins in 2010.

Perhaps, when he was a child, someone told Snyder his money would rot if he didn't spend it. 3

But the most dysfunctional and disturbing element of this organization has been its inability to hire and retain coaches. In the 19 seasons since Gibbs’ first retirement, following the 1992 season (in which Gibbs unsuccessfully attempted to defend the Redskins last championship from Super Bowl XXVI), the Redskins have had seven different head coaches (including Gibbs’ second stint as coach). That staggering number includes coaches who have had success with teams other than the Redskins, including Norv Turner, whose Chargers are regulars in the playoffs, Marty Schottenheimer, arguably the best coach in NFL history to never reach a Super Bowl, college coaching legend Steve Spurrier, and two time Super Bowl champion coach Mike Shanahan.

Shanahan’s reputation was impeccable before coming to Washington. Since then, his inability to win and well documented conflicts with Haynesworth and McNabb have cast a shadow over his coaching legacy. Somehow, I doubt Shanahan forgot how to coach. I think he is coaching with a team for which “up” often becomes “down”.

Everything was good in the worlds of Shanahan and McNabb until they got mixed up with the Redskins. 4

AMAZING MESS

After losing Game 7 of the 2006 National League Championship Series, it has been all downhill for the Mets. After blowing huge September leads in consecutive years, 2007 and 2008, to miss the playoffs, the Mets went from fighting for first to fighting off the cellar. This team has finished in fourth place in the five-team National League East in the last three consecutive years.

The Mets have now missed the playoffs in five consecutive years. Since last winning the World Series in 1986, the Mets have only made the playoffs four times. They only have seven playoff appearances in their 51 year history. In contrast, the Arizona Diamondbacks did not exist until 1998, yet have been to the playoffs five times and won the 2001 World Series.

Winning futility aside, the organization is in peril. The Mets owners Fred Wilpon and Saul Katz were ordered to pay in excess of $150 million of ill-gotten gains from the Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme to Madoff’s fraud victims. Neither public sentiment nor the baseball gods have smiled upon the Mets.

The Mets also have trouble keeping personnel in place. Current manager Terry Collins is the Mets’ fourth skipper since 2008. This is a team that ran off former All-Stars Carlos Beltran and Francisco “K-Rod” Rodriguez in the same year. Fortunately, Mets fans have had ample time to become accustomed to disappointment. That is a good thing because the losing will continue.

Mets Manager (for this year) Terry Collins. The NFL's Houston Texans made "Next Man Up" their mantra during this past season. The Mets have a different variation on that same expression. 5

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Witnessing Greatness - Quarterbacks

In August, the Pro Football Hall of Fame inducted one of its most accomplished classes of players. Marshall Faulk, Deion Sanders, Shannon Sharpe were among the inductees. Players, likely to be inducted within the next few years, such as Cris Carter, Willie Roaf, Curtis Martin, and Jerome Bettis had to be passed over because of the eligibility of so many great players.

This season, players such as Tiki Barber, Keyshawn Johnson, and Drew Bledsoe are among the modern era nominees for the 2012 class. Not long ago, we were looking at these players’ names in box scores (and Barber could be in box scores again soon if he has his way). This gave me pause to reflect upon which players are playing now that we can expect to see with a bust in Canton, Ohio one day.

Today is the first part of a series of articles in which we look at possible future Hall of Fame players, beginning with quarterbacks.


SLAM DUNK

Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts – Possibly the greatest quarterback of all time. In the unlikely event that Manning does not return from neck surgery, his place is football history is very secure.

Tom Brady, New England Patriots – If not the best, then one of the two best quarterbacks playing the game right now (Aaron Rodgers being the other).

First name, "No,"; Last name, "Brainers" 1

ON TRACK

Drew Brees, New Orleans Saints – Brees would have a chance of enshrinement if he retired now. Each stellar performance, however, further cements Brees’ induction into the Hall.

Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh Steelers – Three Super Bowl appearances, two championships, and a host of Pro Bowls and other awards have probably all but guaranteed Roethlisberger’s enshrinement if he plays competently for a few more seasons.

Donovan McNabb, Minnesota Vikings – McNabb’s resume through the first eleven years of his career should be sufficient to get him into Canton. He would help his cause, however, if he can help the Vikings break out of their 1-4 funk, in addition to one more Pro Bowl worthy season.

Brees has already done the heavy lifting for his Hall of Fame case. The Lombardi trophy, not his son.... 2

POSSIBLE BRIDESMAIDS

Each year, there are over 100 nominees for the Hall of Fame, eventually trimmed down to no more than 7 players receiving enshrinement. The following are players who have had quality careers and will likely receive nomination, but are not likely to be enshrined.

Matt Hasselbeck, Tennessee Titans – Six playoff appearances, including five straight…five division championships, including four straight, and one NFC Championship. Three time Pro Bowler…. Hasselbeck lacked a high level dominating presence through an extended period of time.

Kerry Collins, Indianapolis Colts – Tenth all time in NFL career passing yards, with over 40,000; four playoff appearances, three division championships, one NFC championship. Two time Pro Bowler…. Collins lacks the completion percentage, touchdown to interception ratio, awards or efficiency to be enshrined in the Hall of Fame.

A win in Super Bowl XL may have pushed Hasselbeck a little closer to the front of the line. 3

FUTURE HOPEFULS

There are some players who, due to tenure or lack of total career accomplishments, could not realistically receive consideration for the Hall of Fame if their careers ended today. However, if they stay on their current paths, they probably will wear the crème colored jacket one day.

Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay Packers – Brett Favre may be surprised that Rodgers did not lead the Packers to a Super Bowl win sooner. I will be surprised if Rodgers does not, at least, bring the Packers back to one.

Philip Rivers, San Diego Chargers – A very long career, playing at the level he plays at today, and/or some Super Bowl hardware will probably put Rivers’ famous face on a bronze bust.

Eli Manning, New York Giants – Manning took the first step away from the shadow of his older brother, Peyton, when he led his team to a win over the previously unbeaten New England Patriots in Super Bowl XLII. Another trip to the big game will probably put Manning on the Hall of Fame Committee’s radar after his career is over.

Rodgers' first Super Bowl win...may not be his last. 4

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

The Daily Hat Trick is sponsored by Sports N Stuff. For great deals on jerseys, shirts, cologne, and other guy stuff, visit http://www.sportsnstuff.biz/.

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End of Lockout Celebration? Not So Fast My Friend!

The NFL lockout is over. Pop the champagne bottles! Break out the party favors!! We can all celebrate!!!

Well, not all of us. Now that the ink is on the paper and the deal is done, NFL teams ARE back to the business of football. Unfortunately, the business of football is not all glamour, glory and pleasantries. The new collective bargaining agreement brings us back to the realities of salary cap casualties.


The 2010 season was an uncapped year. There is a cap in 2011, meaning teams will have to go through this, always, difficult, unpleasant, but fiscally necessary annual exercise. Some players, usually veterans, usually good players, often fan favorites, and, sometimes, all-time franchise greats have to turn in their playbooks, often after an entire career of service. Their clubs simply cannot afford to keep them at their salary for the upcoming season.

Today, the Hat Trick is going to look at a few teams and players that have no choice but to part ways. As I said yesterday, the free agency movements will be fast and furious, compared to years past. These players may have signed a contract with a new team or have been retained by their current team at a restructured/reduced salary by the time you read this article. Nonetheless, here are some big names of players are will likely be cut or are in danger of being cut for cap purposes.

There is no putting lipstick on the piggy bank. 1

BALTIMORE RAVENS HOUSE CLEANING

It would be a shame for the last act, as Ravens, for tight end Todd Heap, wide receiver Derrick Mason, and running back Willis McGahee to be turning in their playbooks and equipment, right before being shown the door. Derrick Mason is the NFL’s 12th all-time leading receiver, with a chance to be in the Hall of Fame one day. Todd Heap is the NFL’s 5th all-time leading receiver among active tight ends. McGahee is the Ravens’ third all-time leading rusher in franchise history. All three of these players, at some point, are likely to honored by the team in some manner, such as placement in the Ring of Honor, after they retire. All three may have ended their days with the Ravens by being unceremoniously cut before training camp.

I expect all three players to be able to play football in 2011, should they choose. I think there is zero chance of McGahee returning to the Ravens, with Ray Rice already established as the starter. Mason retired, then unretired, less than a month later, from the Ravens in 2009. While still productive, I am unsure how much of a pay cut Mason would be willing to accept to return to Baltimore. The same applies to Heap. I think the Ravens would have a spot for him at the right price.

In spite of bending over backwards for the Ravens during his career, Mason was sent packing on Monday. 2

WASHINGTON REDSKINS

Donovan McNabb, QB: I would never say “never” to any question regarding the Washington Redskins that should be answered using logic and reason. Owner Dan Snyder somehow infected Mike Shanahan, whose reputation was unimpeachable before his arrival in our nation’s capital, with the dysfunction and irrationality with which Snyder has run the Redskins during his tenure as owner.


Shanahan appears to not get along with Donovan McNabb and it appears as though the marriage between the coach and QB cannot work. Assuming the Redskins do not floor all of us (though the “floor”, when it comes to the Redskins, is well padded due to frequent use) and keep McNabb as the starter, the QB will be released or traded. There are several NFL teams with good, contender-caliber components everywhere on the field except under center. Granted, 2010 was McNabb’s worst season as a pro, but considering his team, many may be inclined to give him a mulligan.


Albert Haynesworth, DT: Physically, Haynesworth is one of the biggest freaks in the history of the defensive tackle position. His salary, with respect to his performance and motivation with the Redskins, however, is outrageous. The Redskins are in the undesirable position of having to trade Haynesworth and getting little in return, while feeling some salary cap pain in penalties, triggered by Haynesworth’s titanic signing bonus from 2009 in his $100 million contract, or cut Haynesworth and take a titanic pounding in salary cap penalties because they cannot convince another team to throw millions down the black hole that is Fat Albert.

You would be amazed at how many knee slappers like this you can find about Haynesworth on the Internet. 3

CINCINNATI BENGALS

Carson Palmer, QB: Carson Palmer put his house up for sale during the offseason, demanded a trade from the Bengals (which I completely understand), and said he would retire before playing again for Cincinnati. Bengals Owner Paul Brown said he would not reward a player for refusing to report by trading him.


Yeah, yeah. That’s great, Mr. Brown, except nothing from nothing leaves nothing. Palmer does not appear to be bluffing and the Bengals will get nothing for a starting QB in his prime if they refuse to deal him. Oatmeal is better than no meal.


Chad Ochocinco, WR: Chad Ochocinco is still a productive wide receiver, worth more to the market than his $6 million salary. However, the expectations in Cincinnati are low next season. With no legitimate, experienced NFL QB in Cincinnati and almost no chance of resigning Ochocinco after this season, the Bengals may be poised to release the former Pro Bowl wide receiver or trade him.

You think I'm sticking around after this year? Pssttt! CHILD PLEASE! 4

OTHER HIGH PROFILE BUBBLE PLAYERS

Steve Smith, WR – Carolina Panthers: Smith is probably a Hall-of-Famer. The leading receiver in Panthers history was not happy with the state of affairs in Carolina at the end of last year. With a hefty salary, an age greater than 30, and chronic injury problems, Smith is likely to be on the salary cap chopping block.

This could be a win-win. When Smith IS healthy, he is lethal to opposing defenses. Smith has good years left in his tank. The question is, “How many?”


Reggie Bush, RB – New Orleans Saints: If you have been reading the Hat Trick for any extended period of time, you know that I am a New Orleans native and may be somewhat biased. I will try to be objective. Here goes….

Bush is due nearly $12 million in salary next year and he will not collect that. Casual observers of the Saints may assume that he will simply be cut because he is not an every down running back and he has been hampered by injuries throughout his career. Die hards, like me, understand Bush’s value to the offense and the team. More so, so does Saints Head Coach Sean Payton and his opinion is one of a small few that actually counts. Since the Saints control his rights and, I believe, will make a good faith effort to keep him, I think they will make Bush a fair, probably slightly favorable, offer reflective of his true, current NFL market value.


Not everybody can fly to the end zone from the 6 yard line. 5

 Roy Williams, WR – Dallas Cowboys: The status of Roy Williams’ future with the Cowboys has been a soap opera since his arrival in Big D. When Williams joined the Cowboys via a trade with the Detroit Lions in 2008, the consensus opinion was that Williams was being brought in to replace Terrell Owens and be the Cowboys primary target in the future. Williams is earning franchise receiver money, but the “washed up” T.O. put up better numbers than Williams in less-than-desirable offenses in Buffalo and Cincinnati in 2009 and 2010, respectively, and then-rookie receiver Dez Bryant excelled last season. Something’s gotta give.


Lee Evans, WR – Buffalo Bills: The third all-time leading receiver in franchise history (Andre’ Reed, Eric Moulds) is earning a Pro Bowler’s salary but has not looked anything like an NFL standout since 2008. Granted, the Bills have had myriad issues on offense and at the quarterback position over the past several years. Regardless, the emergence of young Stevie Johnson as a favorite target for quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick may make Evans, and his salary cap liability, expendable.


David Garrard, QB – Jacksonville Jaguars: The Jags drafted QB Blaine Gabbert in the first round of the 2011 NFL Draft. Garrard is expected to earn close to $8 million in 2011. The Jaguars were in contention for a playoff spot until the end of the 2010 season, so a change at quarterback may be unlikely before the season starts. However, if the Jags get off to a very bad start (such as an 0-3 or 0-4 start), not beyond the realm of possibilities, Garrard and his salary may come off of the Jaguars books before the trade deadline.


Nick Barnett, LB – Green Bay Packers: Barnett announced this afternoon that he would not be with the Packers this season. The eight year veteran starting linebacker and member of last year’s Super Bowl champion Packers team missed most of last season due to injury and would have counted $4 million against the salary cap, according to ESPN.com, perhaps too much for a 30 year old LB riddled with injury problems in recent years. Barnett had missed 19 regular season games during the past three years.


Nate Clements, CB – San Francisco 49ers: Clements, according to ESPN, will count $17 million against the cap this season. The 31 year old cornerback has seen his productivity decline since joining the 49ers, though he still has some tread left on his tires.


Vince Young, QB – Tennessee Titans: With the Titans announcement, last season, that they intended to sever ties with Young, the use of their first round pick in the 2011 draft to acquire quarterback Jake Locker, and the $13 million cap liability attached to Young, the question is “Where will he end up?” and not “Will the Titans release him?”

He needs a team, too. 6

Get your popcorn ready!


Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

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Interview With a Football God

The Daily Hat Trick gets the inside scoop for you, the valued readers, on all things sports. The Hat Trick was granted an exclusive interview with one the the football gods. I will not discuss what we had to go through to get this difficult access to one of the puppeteers of America's modern pastime. Just hope there were no cameras running or microphones on....

Football god Number Fifteen 4

Anywho, the Houston Texans have had more hard knocks in the 2010 season than, possibly, any other team. Yes, the Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, and Buffalo Bills have had some difficult losses, but the Bengals failed to meet high expectations while the Browns exceeded low expectations and the Bills met them. The Texans were expected to challenge the Colts for the AFC South title, began the season appearing to be up for the challenge, and, were it not for some of the most bizarre combinations of circumstances, might still be challenging (if not successful).

The Daily Hat Trick had a conversation with football god Number Fifteen after yesterday's last minute loss to the lowly Denver Broncos, with Tim Tebow having a breakout performance in his second start, ever.

The Daily Hat Trick: Football god Number Fifteen, I think the question on everyone's mind is just why do these unfortunate things keep happening to the Texans. Was Gary Kubiak a sinner? Has he made the football gods angry?

Football god: No. We have bestowed many blessings upon Kubiak, particularly from god Number Eight. He had no size, or speed, and frankly, no exceptional talent, yet he played in the NFL, behind John Elway, possibly the greatest QB we ever endowed, for many years.

Gary also was granted the blessing of two more years of employment, last year, during a difficult economy, in spite of his pattern of ineffectiveness and the incompetence of (Texans defensive coordinator) Frank Bush. Number Eight also blessed him with Matt Schaub.

DHT: Well, Number 15, can you help me see the light on the merciless embarrassment the Texans suffered at the hands of the pitiful Broncos?

FG15: Tim Tebow was starting today.

DHT: Of course. And Tebow's clean living pleased you and made him worthy of your blessing?

FG15: That...and Tim is starting on my fantasy team this week. I work in many ways. I hear the prayers of many Texans fans. I have hundreds of prayers, daily, for the Texans to fire Frank Bush. In smiting the Texans feeble pass defense, I have blessed many: Broncos fans, Texans fans, and Tim Tebow...and my fantasy team.

Tim Tebow: he's going to get all of the breaks from above. 2

DHT: Let me ask you, one-five, were the walk off losses to the Jaguars on the Hail Mary and the pick six in overtime to the Ravens in front of the entire country part of your plan?

FG15: Football god...don't call me "one-five"...football god Number Zero decides whether or not the answer Hail Mary prayers, and Jack Del Rio said his prayers before the play.

DHT: Number Zero?

FG15: He's a virgin, like Mary. And we made him Number Zero because...

DHT: ....O-KAAAAY! How about the pick six?

FG15: Matt Schaub missed his hot read.

DHT: Of course. Football god, it appears that Broncos fans can look forward to milk and honey flowing in the Mile High City for many years.

FG15: I had to make up for putting Brandon Marshall there.

Josh: Can Texans fans hope for similar fortunes?

FG15: No. We gods have provided the Texans with all they need: a Pro-Bowl quarterback, running back, and wide receiver, a respectable offensive line, and a freak of a defensive end in Mario Williams. Gary Kubiak's heart is in the right place, but until he fires Frank Bush, I must turn my back on him and his defense.

Houston Texans MicroDot Fashion Baseball Cap

DHT: Last question: should (Texans owner) Bob McNair fire Gary Kubiak?

FG15: Bob will keep the blessings of fruitful attendance, sales of smoking hot Texans cheerleader calendars and cold, delicious beer sales, regardless of his coaching situation, which could be costly to change. He is not allergic to money, like Redskins owner Daniel Snyder.

This has nothing to do with anything, but, guys, you are paying attention. This photo of Jessica Alba was the first one (that I actually want to look at)  that appeared in a Google search for "football god". Fans of both Philip Rivers and Chance Rivers - (DO NOT look that name up from a public location) may enjoy some of the first images that appear.  1 

DHT: Real quick, how do the gods feel about the Redskins?

FG15: The Redskins have drawn the ire and wrath of god Number Five. The rest of us aren't touching the Redskins with a 10 foot pole.

DHT: Number Five? A McNabb fan, I take it?

FG15: And a Native American.

DHT: YIKES!!!!

The Redskins might learn the meaning of the word, "karma". 3

We at The Daily Hat Trick would like to express our gratitude toward football god Number Fifteen for his time and candor. There you have it, valued reader. The inside scoop straight from a football god. Cheer up, Broncos Fan; the future looks bright. Texans Fan, if it is my money, when that season ticket invoice comes in, until there are some coaching changes, I would say, "NO MORE TEXANS!"

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

Special thanks to Josh Innes (Rich Lord & Josh Innes) of KILT, CBS Sports Radio 610-AM in Houston, Texas for providing creative inspiration for this fictitious interview. An audio variation of this interview may be heard, with permission from The Daily Hat Trick, on KILT or its affiliates.   

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Naughty and Nice List

It is the holiday season, again. The Daily Hat Trick, true to the season, has had to find out who is naughty and nice. Without further adieu, here is our 2010 naughty and nice list.

Naughty


Brett Favre - This is low hanging fruit for any sports writer. The man had his alleged attempted dalliances with a woman, 14 years his junior, exposed. As if that were not embarrassing enough, alleged photographs of his manhood circulated the Internet. Brett's appearance on the naughty list does not take into account his punking of his head coach, Brad Childress, whom he helped run out of Minneapolis on a rail. It also does not take into account Favre's annual ritual of stringing along his coaches, teammates, management, and fans during training camp...for the purpose of avoiding training camp!

Radny Moss - Moss has often had jerk-like flare ups during his 13 seasons in the National Football League. But insulting the local caterers of a team meal during his brief stay in Minnesota was an all-time low. This act proceeded his exile from the New England Patriots, a team he declared, in week 1, he would not likely play for in 2011. Ironically, he all but asked for his old position in New England less than a month after being traded to the insane asylum that was the Childress-led Minnesota Vikings. The Patriots may have obliged Moss had he cleared waivers, according to sources cited by ESPN and other major sports outlets. Moss did not clear waivers because he was claimed by the Tennessee Titans. Though, through two games, I have yet to see what the Titans are receiving for the remainder of Moss' 2010 salary, upwards of $6 million. 1\


Ben Roethlisberger - Big Ben decides to yearn for the lessons of his days at Miami of Ohio and take another shot at picking up college chicks. One would think that Roethlisberger learned how to step up his game and use his super-star power to entice women to give into his will. Unfortunately, Roethlisberger was accused of skipping the steps following "A" and taking "Z" from young women in Milledgeville, Georgia, whether the ladies wanted to share their "Z" with Roethlisberger or not. This would be less baffling had Roethlisberger not been accused of behaving similarly just one year prior to the Georgia accusations.

Nice


Mike Vick - Mike Vick destroyed his life by getting busted for dogfighting and made his situation worse by trying to hide the unhide-able from federal investigators and NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. He rebuilt his life stronger than before. Vick is the league's highest rated passer and, barring injury, is on pace for an MVP-caliber season.

Donovan McNabb - In spite of Washington Redskins Head Coach Mike Shanahan removing McNabb from a one possession game in the final two minutes to replace him with (you might want to sit down for this one) Rex Grossman, McNabb remained above the fray. He did not throw his coach under the bus in spite of the fact that Mike Shanahan and his son, assistant Kyle Shanahan, could not have deserved such treatment more than they did. He was rewarded less than two weeks later with a lucrative long term contract with up to $40 million in guarantees, reportedly worth between $80-$90 million.

Terrell Owens - No finger pointing...no deflecting...no "look at me" antics. T.O. has assumed an elder leader role on a very bad Cincinnati team. Better late than never....


1) Source: boston.com