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Monday, February 14, 2011

Tim Tebow’s Biography - The Perfect Title

Timothy Richard Tebow is a rare and special athlete. He is arguably the greatest player in the history of college football. He overcame long odds to become a first round pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, selected by the Denver Broncos. After just one year in the National Football League, Tebow is set to release his memoirs. Many quarterbacks do not have the following, fan interest, or opportunity to release a biography until after their careers are nearing an end, or after they win a Super Bowl, or at least after being named the Opening Day starter. Young Tebow is an overachiever.

Today The Daily Hat Trick is exploring possibilities for the title of the biography of this overachieving young man.

1) The Holy Bible - The Timothy Richard Version

Many a devout Christian is familiar with the King James Version of the Bible, or KJV. A man who has publicly demonstrated a true conviction to live as Christ did through his missions and other actions, could set the ultimate Christian example and release his own version of the Bible, the TRV. Having read much of the KJV (released in the 17th century), I personally would welcome any modern day insight and edits that a man as devout as Tebow might offer.
Fitting.... 1

2) A Walk on Holy Water for the Soul

Chicken Soup is great, but Timothy Richard’s bio is worthy of a more special liquid than chicken broth and noodles and a more dignified act than eating (more like slurping) from a spoon.

3) Unbroken - The Story of Tim Tebow’s Chastity

A.C. Green was a trailblazer (actually he was a Laker, a Sun, a Maverick, and a member of the Heat) for alpha males keeping the old snake in its cage. However, as outstanding a player as Green was, Tebow made it clear that real men stay chaste! And…with a massive hard drive…and Vaseline…and paper towels.
Virgin Wars 4

4) Battle Hymn of the Gator Mother

Real men love Mom. No, seriously. If you don’t love your mom, something is wrong with you! Like every other impressive achievement of his, though, Tebow got his Mama’s Boy on at the next level, appearing in a commercial with his mother that aired during Super Bowl XLIV. What title could be more fitting for Mama’s Bucking Bronco’s memoirs?

2
5) Fifteen Steps to a Christian Life

Karen Armstrong wrote what, so far, has been one of the hottest novels in 2011, “Twelve Steps  to a More Compassionate Life” Timothy Richard is not to be outdone. First of all, a paltry twelve steps will not cut it when your jersey number is “15”. Second, why limit your contribution to the literary zeitgeist to compassion, when you can address all aspects of being a Christian?

Not exactly one of the Ten Commandments.... 3

6) Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos Presents: Heaven - A Visitor’s Guide to Eternal Life

What would Tebow know about Heaven? He is alive and well. SO? The future Saint Timothy has the hotline to the Big Guy and don’t you forget it! Who better than to give mere heathen mortals a glimpse into what they could have if they take Christ into their hearts than the Heisman winner who received the only vote that REALLY counts?
Glory to Tim in the highest! And peace to his people on Earth.
For he is Tebow. For he is good. 5

7) Bronco Seeks Philly

Tebow may be waiting to say “I do” before plowing through his unsown oats, but he clearly has no trouble with the ladies. When you repeatedly have to deny being with Erin Drewes or Lucy Pinder, you got game! Now Timothy Richard shares all so you can step your game up!

Lucy Pinder 6
Erin Drewes - How many men would love to be in the position of denying involvement with this woman?  7


8) Tick Tock - Why Men Should Avoid Skanks

Patience is a virtue. Based on the women that Tebow gets to DENY dating, I would say that it has paid off well for him. Now the Devine QB educates us on why we should throw back 100 Ke$has to wait for that one Carrie Underwood. Hmm…maybe THAT is who he’s holding out for. Watch out, Romo!

Tik Tok 8
9) Fall of Broncos - Enduring Josh McDaniels

Tim Tebow is grateful for the opportunity afforded him by former Broncos Head Coach Josh McDaniels selecting him in the first round of the draft. The comic-tragic fiasco that was the 2010 Broncos is something Tebow would likely rather forget. Now you can read about the good, the bad, and the ugly in Denver under McDaniels remarkably questionable leadership.

10) The Man Who Kicked the Texans Ass, with foreword by Stieg Larsson

Who knew that the author of #1 bestseller The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest was a Tebow fan? Tim Tebow’s bio, titled after his breakout game in his rookie season, opens with a Pulitzer touch. Even Texans Head Coach Gary Kubiak himself would refuse to say, “NO MORE TEBOW!” after reading this inspirational literature.

NO MORE TEXANS! 9
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To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

Special thanks to Josh Innes (Rich Lord & Josh Innes) of KILT, CBS Sports Radio 610-AM in Houston, Texas for providing creative inspiration and guidance for this piece. An audio variation of this article may be heard at a future time, with permission from The Daily Hat Trick, on KILT or its affiliates. 
  
1) Image from buzzfeed.com
2) Image from rachelarbeit.wordpress.com
3) Image from midwestsportsfans.com
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9) Image from nfl.fanhouse.com

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