|Tiger: Now we're talkin'!|
Chaz: Elin, hi. I’m Chaz. I brought this bouquet of roses for you.
Elin: Oh…how nice. (sniffs) They smell like they came from (sniffs again) a florist? You mean you DON’T have your own rose garden? Oh well. It is the thought that counts. Let’s go.
Chaz: (opening the front passenger door) Let me get that for you. You look lovely this evening.
Elin: (laughing, giggling) Oh Chaz! You are so silly! Opening the door for me to sit in the front seat…! And where is your driver? Oh you are too much!
Chaz: Um…I dunno. I just thought it would be nice to drive my own car.
Elin: You DRIVE this thing? This isn’t your DRIVER’s car? At first I thought your limousine was in the shop! Oh you average American men are such cavemen!
Chaz, the “average man” makes $175,000 per year. Later, at dinner….
Chaz: So we were all working until one in the morning on this maaajor merger and finally someone… (interrupted)
Elin: I don’t understand, Chaz. How is this interesting to anyone? You crunch numbers and spend all night at your office. Do women actually LIKE what you do?
Chaz: (under his breath) They like when I’m a home at night, instead of at IHOP for a little more than pancakes.
Later that evening….
Elin: Well, Chaz. You try very hard. I don’t think I want to see you after tonight, but would you like to come in? You see, I have not felt a man since I caught Tiger and we both know you won’t say no to me. I’ve always wanted to try, what do you call it? “Shooting fish in a barrel”?
Maxim (1-year auto-renewal)
Chaz: (about to get testy before he realizes he’s getting some) Why you BI…big-hearted, beautiful woman! Let’s go.
A minute later….
Elin: Okay, big Chaz! Let’s see what kind of nine iron you’re packing.
Chaz: (unzips pants)
Elin: (while laughing uncontrollably and hysterically) Ooh! Ha ha ha! Oh THAT little thing! I haven’t seen anything, quite like that, in years! Oh Chaz! Oh thank you for a very funny evening. Ah ha ha ha!
|That little thing warranted a "face palm".|
Elin’s next date was a blind date with Ben Roethlisberger.
(Doorbell rings, door opens)
Ben: (in a t-shirt with flip flops on) Elin? Hi! I’m Ben…
(door slams shut)
Her next date was with a doctor.
Elin: Oh doctor! I am having such a good time. It is so nice to meet a man who… (doctor’s beeper goes off)
Doctor: Oh no! Elin, I’m sorry. I need to cut this short. There was a bus accident and I’m needed at the hospital.
Elin: You lying piece of (beep)! You are going to go screw your “booty call”. I know how you Americans work.
Doctor: Elin, I’m a doctor. I have to…HEY, DAMNIT! What are you doing?
Elin: (produces a golf club, begins swinging at the doctor in the restaurant) You son of a bitch! I am not stupid! You aren’t going to start off by cheating on me (glasses break, plates hit the floor).
Doctor: Holy (beep), lady are you CRAZY?
Elin’s last date was with LeBron James. Everything was going well until LeBron came back to the house for “coffee” after the date.
LeBron: (breathing heavily) Who’s the king? Who’s the king? Who…is…the…king?
Elin: Oh! Dwyane Wade! I’ll take my talents to South Beach for you, too!
LeBron: The F(beep)K????
LeBron: That’s it! I’m outta here. I’ve never been so embarrassed and insulted in all my life!
Elin: (under her breath) Somehow I doubt that. (talks to LeBron). Oh, don’t go! Please stay, LeBron. I REALLY need you! (starts giggling and laughing at LeBron again, LeBron leaves).
Cleveland City - We Are Lebron [Stay Lebron Official Song]
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