Retweet of the Day - August 28, 2013

The story of  former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez keeps taking stranger and darker turns with each new report. Friends of Hernandez interviewed by Rolling Stone magazine stated that, among other disturbing patterns, Hernandez was a heavy user of angel dust, he thought his life was in danger, and carried a gun everywhere he went.

Hernandez was indicted on first degree murder charges in the shooting death of 27-year-old semi-pro football player and personal associate Odin Lloyd this past June. Today's retweet, by Eric Stangel ‏(@EricStangel), offers a little humor on this dark, bizarre, and sad story.

"You know it's bad when the Angel Dust industry is distancing itself from Aaron Hernandez..."

I guess Hernandez already "dusted" for prints.

Image from www.atlnightspots.com

Retweet of the Day - July 3, 2013

The murder charges against former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez keep offering increasingly bizarre storylines. Stories linking Hernandez to a double shooting (essentially an attempted murder) in 2007 when he was a freshman at the University of Florida have begun to surface.

Shortly after Hendandez's arrest in the death of Odin Lloyd, speculation that the motive for Lloyd's murder was to keep him quiet about a 2012 double murder circulated. Just prior to Hernandez's arrest, a civil suit was filed against Hernandez by the victim of a 2012 shooting who alleged Hernandez shot him in the face outside a nightclub. Hernandez was also linked to a fight at Swamp Bar in Gainesville in which a man suffered an injury to his ear resulting in hearing loss. Teammate Tim Tebow was allegedly present.

Today's retweet, from Steve Swan (‏@stevenhswan) is a logical jump from all of the oddities surrounding this story:


"Aaron Hernandez linked to yet another shooting. At this point I'd believe OJ if he said Hernandez was the real killer." 

Well, the glove didn't fit. So....

Image from www.abovetopsecret.com

Retweet of the Day - June 27, 2013

Former New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was arrested yesterday and charged with first degree murder in the Boston area shooting death of 27-year-old Odin Lloyd. The case has been a media sensation with a number of bizarre twists reported.

One of the suspicious happenings involving Mr. Hernandez was his comic-tragic (alleged) effort to dispose of evidence. Hernandez smashed his cell phone and hired a crew to clean his house on the day after the murder. Today's retweet, by MTV's Christopher Boykin (@BigBlack) will be best appreciated by viewers of the Fox animated sitcom Family Guy. Consuela the cleaning lady is featured in the meme attached to the tweet.


"There is a Time 2 Kill (Samuel Jackson) But Aaron Hernandez took it way 2 far! Bail Denied! Nite Nite Make it Tight! pic.twitter.com/LDvDimygdg"

Image from www.twitter.com

The Cleaner

New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez is in hot water. Hernandez has been at the center of a murder investigation involving the death of a 27 year old associate, semi-pro football player Odin Lloyd. Llyod was found shot to death in a field about a mile from Hernandez's suburban Boston home in a car rented by Hernandez.

Since this story broke last week, several sensational details regarding this case have been reported. Among other highly suspicious actions by Hernandez, he reportedly smashed his cell phone and hired a crew to clean his home the day after Lloyd was killed. Conflicting reports have circulated suggesting that the issue of an arrest warrant for Hernandez on obstruction of justice charges is imminent.

THE CLEANER

Still, there's no business like show business. The Daily Hat Trick has acquired the yet to be released script for an action movie trailer set to star Aaron Hernandez. His ability to make evidence go away has "Hollywood" written all over it (think "The Wolf" from Pulp Fiction). Aaron Hernandez is...The Cleaner!*

Aaron Hernandez as “The Cleaner”

(Dramatic music with human voices)

Dramatic movie trailer voice: During the fall…he’s a catcher.

Play-by-play announcer: Brady…looking…has Hernandez open downfield…TOUCHDOWN!!!

Catcher 1

Announcer: During the playoffs, he’s a closer.

Play-by-play: Another clutch reception by Hernandez and that should do it. The Patriots are heading to the AFC Championship Game!

Closer 2

Announcer: But in the offseason…he is…THE CLEANER!

Hernandez: What is this? A dead gangster depository? Get this fool out of my house man!

(Music shifts to action movie trailer music)

Hernandez: We need to burn the car, quick!

(explosion)

Accomplice: Shouldn’t we move the car out of your driveway first?

I thought you ditched the car before blowing it up. 4

Hernandez: Gimme your shirt. We need to tie his arms and legs together.

Accomplice: There’s a monogram on the cuffs!

Hernandez: Gimme that phone. We don’t want anyone to know where we’re going next.

(smashing, crunching sounds)

Accomplice: Dude, that’s HIS phone!

Hernandez's new end zone dance 5

Announcer: THE CLEANER! Because you need a butcher when you’ve got beef!

(Police sirens)

Accomplice: Holy shit! It’s the cops.

Hernandez: Get that car out of here. (sounds of kindling, fire burning)

I don't think he'll be referring his buddies to "The Cleaner". 6

Accomplice: You motherfucker!

Announcer: Coming this summer to a theater near you!

THE CLEANER! 3

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

The Daily Hat Trick is sponsored by Sports N Stuff. For great deals on jerseys, shirts, cologne, and other guy stuff, visit http://www.sportsnstuff.biz/.

1) Image from www.nymag.com
2) Image from www.zimbio.com
3) Image spliced from images from from http://kindsaluv.blogspot.com and http://abcnews.go.com
4) Image from www.ctvnews.ca
5) Image spliced from images from www.speakwithoutinturruption.com and www.khou.com
* Fictitious movie trailer parody. For entertainment purposes only.