The Houston Texans release future Hall-of-Fame safety Ed Reed. Reed was the Texans' marquis free agent this past offseason, but never panned out in large part due to lingering health issues. Reed earned $5 million in guaranteed money from the Texans, though he only played in seven games in 2013.
Ed Reed Obituary
The Houston Texans tenure of Edward Earl Reed, Jr. died on
the afternoon of Tuesday, November 12, 2013, aged seven-and-a-half months. The
brain child of Texans owner Bob McNair and GM Rick Smith, Reed’s comic-tragic
stay in Houston included several highlights, none of which were on the field.
After hosts of planes, trains, and automobiles descended
upon Mr. Reed’s home this past winter, Mr. Reed celebrated a post-Super Bowl championship
prize. Messers McNair and Smith partook in that recent NFL trend of making it
rain, dropping $5.5 million of cold hard cash on Mr. Reed. In exchange, Mr.
Reed delivered 16 tackles, no interceptions, and a backing-over of the coaching
staff with the bus in seven games during the 2013 season, all of which the
Texans lost.
Mr. Reed’s career is survived by a crater in the 2014 Texans’
salary cap, a soiled reputation of an otherwise Hall of Fame career, doctors
who overlooked the hip needing surgery on the x-rays and MRIs, trainers who
turned a blind eye to the 5.9 40-yard dash, citing a super Bowl hangover, and a
bitterly disappointed fan base already waiting for next year. Reed’s career
succumbed to its own incompetence following comments that the Texans were
outplayed and outcoached. Ironically, the Texans were outplayed and outcoached
in their loss to the Arizona Cardinals.
Pall bearers will include Andre Johnson, Mr. Smith and Mr.
McNair. They’re left holding the bag, they may as well hold the casket. In lieu
of Ave Maria, Eddie Money’s “Two Tickets to Paradise” will be sung at the
memorial services, though Texans fans would rather forget as soon as possible. Eulogies
will be by Mr. Reed’s agent and personal investment banker, who couldn’t
believe the easy money that fell into their laps.
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| Bob McNair should have consulted Captain Hindsight. |
Thanks to Josh Innes of Sportsradio 610 KILT Houston, TX for creative inspiration. Any use of this work by KILT is with the permission of The Daily Hat Trick
