Star athletes have a good life. They are paid millions of dollars per year to play a game they are good at. They are famous. People want to be their friends. The single athletes can fish for women as if they were in a barrel. In fact...the married athletes can fish for women as if they were in a barrel. Life is good.
Of course, athletes are people, just like us. They make mistakes, just like us. Unlike us, when they make mistakes, the media often discovers these mistakes quickly and associates the athlete with their transgressions, sometimes as much as their athletic accomplishments.
The star athlete perk that has yet to be mentioned is product endorsements. Athletes who excel on the field are sought after to promote any of a variety of products. Some business people start an operation with the intent of including an athlete's name (i.e. an athlete's brand) in the name of the business itself. Some athletes, such as Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods, are so popular that they have, during their careers, earned more money from product endorsements than from earnings in their respective sports.
The Daily Hat Trick is going to explore an alternative angle. Today, we will look at which products would make the
worst possible pairings or certain athletes. Which product endorsements can you expect to
never see in life?
10) Mike Leach First Aid Kit and Training DVD
For those not familiar with the background, in 2009, former Texas Tech Head Football Coach Mike Leach allegedly ordered Adam James, a player on the team and son of ESPN college football analyst Craig James, to stand in a darkened shed after doctors instructed Adam James not to practice following a concussion. The coach refused to apologize to the James family. Leach was fired less than two weeks later. Clearly, the forte of Coach Leach, known for his obsession with 18th century pirates and their function as a team, was coaching football and he did not miss his calling in life by not going to medical school. Arrrrrgh!
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9) Tiger Woods Marriage Counseling
We all make mistakes in life and Tiger Woods made several dozen during his marriage. Often, the best way to overcome a weakness is to face it, head on. However, I think Woods did enough of that.
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| Is this the "mirror" technique? 2 |
8) A-Rod School of Modeling
Dude...seriously?
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| There are gay dudes calling this, "gay." 3 |
7) Mark Mangino for Slim Fast
Former University of Kansas Head Football Coach, known for (allegedly) insulting and threatening his players as a motivational tactic, was often known for leading from the front, with a fork. I never understood how overweight head coaches could chastise their players for conditioning issues, yet not, minimally, make a token gesture to share in the commitment by exercising a little themselves. Perhaps Coach Mangino thought the calories burned by lifting cheeseburgers and pizza slices would catapult him to his fitness goals. I feel sorry for the catapult.
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| I think a reality show appearance may be more fitting than a weight loss beverage endorsement. 4 |
6) Junior Seau Driver's Training School
The future Hall of Fame linebacker drove his car off of a cliff this past October. Thankfully, there were no major injuries nor was there any loss of life. Reportedly, Seau fell asleep at the wheel. I am sure that Seau will invest his remaining earnings from football into some potentially profitable business ventures, as many retired long-time players do. A driving academy is not one of those potential ventures.
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| Perhaps he didn't adjust his mirrors before pulling out. 5 |
5) Antonio Cromartie for Trojan
Last year, the New York Jets advanced cornerback Antonio Cromartie a half-million dollars in salary to help him catch up on back child support payments. Multiple media outlets reported that Cromartie had fathered nine children by eight women in six states and was named in at least five different paternity suits. If there were a "seven" in this story, we would have a straight. Regardless, I doubt that the world's best known producer of condoms would sign a spokesperson who either does not use the product or cannot figure out the instructions.
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| Cromartie (left) and Derrelle Revis (right). Revis: "Why? For decoration?" 5 |
4) Ben Roethlisberger for Viagra
Viagra has restored zest and vigor into men whose spirit is willing, but bodies are not as able as they used to be. Like a gun, Viagra is to be used responsibly. Misuse could cause injury to others. I think Ben has fired off his gun enough, without any pharmaceutical assistance.
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"Maybe Ben Roethlisberger's parents should have thought twice before letting him watch." 6 |
3) OJ Simpson Cutlery
The problem is identifying a target audience, not whether or not the product would work.
2) Rex Ryan for Foot Action
Last month, the Jets provided yet another gem of sex scandal related fodder to the world when a video surfaced on the Internet of Rex Ryan's wife, Michelle, and the voice of a man that sounded similar to Rex Ryan in a foot fetish video. Coach Ryan is known for putting his foot in his mouth. Apparently he practices at home.
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| Not the kind of Foot Action we associate with Coach Ryan 7 |
1) Brett Favre for Verizon Wireless
The Brett Favre "Text-gate" story has been the gift that keeps on giving for guys like me, who do not actually do anything, but write about other people. The Jenn Sterger gravy train seemed endless this past football season. As most of you know, in 2008, Brett Favre, then quarterback for the New York Jets, allegedly sent inappropriate message to Sterger, a then 25 year old Jets sideline reporter. The messages included Favre allegedly texting photos of his private parts to Sterger.
In spite of the limitless publicity that Favre has received for his acumen with the advanced data features on a cell phone, I do not believe that the executives at Verizon Wireless will be contacting Favre's agent to have the Ol' Gunslinger pitch any of the media messaging packages.
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| Why oh why oh WHY could the tables have not been turned in this story? I think Jenn Sterger could 1) gain an endorsement from a wireless provider and 2) the phones would fly off of the shelves like hotcakes, among male subscribers, if Sterger had been sending the texts to Favre. 8 |
1) Image from sundaymorningqb.com
2) Image from clevelandleader.com
3) Image from fantelligence.com
4) Image from bleacherreport.com
5) Image from ftrsports.com
6) Image from motifake.com
7) Image from thewordintown.com; logo is a trademark of Foot Action USA
8) Image from nflpassers.com
