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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Fat, Fat, and All That

Earlier this week, Washington Post columnist Sally Jenkins wrote a piece critical of the conditioning of Washington Redskins quarterback Rex Grossman. In short, Jenkins says Grossman is too fat.

Grossman is not the first, nor will he be the last, athlete to be criticized for his management of his weight. What we may not see for a while are some of the hum dingers of quotes like what can be found in Jenkins’ article. The line that stood out most to me was, “If Grossman has an inherent limitation, it’s his lack of mobility. He has no business compounding it with a knife and fork if he expects to lead the Redskins to the playoffs.”


While one should not throw stones if living in a glass house, as Ms. Jenkins is on this issue (she is not a hippo, but she’s no stringbean, either), it caught my attention and gave me a little chuckle. One of my favorite sports journalists, talk show host Jim Rome, refuses to allow personal appearances to be fodder for his show. It’s a pillar of The Jim Rome Show.

The Daily Hat Trick may have the luxury of raising the bar when we have 2,000,000 readers per day. As it stands, my daily bogey for readership is three figures, not seven. When I get to seven, I’ll raise my standards. Until then, enjoy some samples of pithy comments of the past about players packing on the pounds.

C'mon Sally. You could stand to put the fork down, yourself. 1

Recently acquired and controversial New England Patriots defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth:

“And so the biggest question for Redskins fans remains this: will the pros of Albert Haynesworth's expulsion…outweigh the cons…?”
--Michael Katz, S.B. Nation D.C., September 9, 2011

Warrick Dunn (on the ground) looks like he is afraid Albert is going to eat him! 2
 Former University of Alabama defensive tackle Terrence Cody:

“He's a big, fat blob,”
--Unidentified NFC personnel man, Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article, “Will Alabama’s Cody Be a Mountain of Bust?”, April 18, 2010

"BLOB"? Harsh: yes. Unfair? Hmm.... 3

Basketball Hall of Famer Charles Barkley on Turner Sports office having a betting pool on his weight:

"That is starting to hurt my feelings. I don't mind skinny people making fun of me, we all do that, but I don't want fat people making fun of me."

Basketball Hall of Famer Charles Barkley on Peter Vescey calling him fat on TV:
"…The truth is, I'm going to have to get bigger clothes or start hanging out with fat people to look skinnier."

The supply of Barkley fat quotes were limitless. 4

Former Major League Baseball player John Kruk:

“John Kruk Is Dead Weight On ESPN...and Lots of It”
--Headline for an article in Bleacher Report by Andrew Brining, August 13, 2009

A LOT of it! 5

New York Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan, after losing some weight:

“I think everyone in New York is happy about that, except maybe Macy’s losing one of their floats.”
--Former Cleveland Browns Head Coach Eric Mangini, Associated Press article, November 11, 2010

Rex Ryan was a source of girth references, too. 6

Former Cleveland Indians pitcher C.C. Sabathia

"My arm feels fine. I just can't command either side of the plate."
--Source: Article by Rob Iracane, “What's Eating C.C. Sabathia? What's C.C. Sabathia Eating?” in the Walkoff Walk blog, April 17, 2008.

If he ate a burger, he wouldn't have to keep it on the plate. 7

NBA player Eddie Curry in an article on overpaid players:

“…Eddy Curry, is Exhibit A…Only A? A guy that size is Exhibit A through Z…”
--John Karalis of Bloguin, September 14, 2011

Because I am so sure Curry was trying to put a Big Mac through the hoop. 8
 Former Cleveland Cavalier Shaquille O’Neal

“Shaq Misses Entire Second Half With Pulled Pork Sandwich”
--The Onion Sports Network, January 22, 2010

I couldn't make this up. You know what? If I were hungry enough, I may have missed a little time for a delicious pulled pork sandwich, too! 9
Bon appetite, Hat Trick readers!

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