Catching Up

After a month-long sabbatical, The Daily Hat Trick is back on the "interweb". Since the last posting in early October, much has changed. Here's the "long story short" on the pro sports world from the Hat Trick.

NFL

Rumors of Tom Brady's death are greatly exaggerated. After the Monday Night Football curb-stomping that Brady and the Pats took at Arrowhead Stadium against the Kansas City Chiefs, the "real" Brady arrived. Rob Gronkowski has been "going Gronk" and Brady, apparently, has spent extra-extra time in the film room as he has been unstoppable in October. 

After winning the most recent Manning-Brady prizefight (number 16, I believe), it appears that Brady may have an opportunity to reach a sixth Super Bowl. The AFC is primed for another Broncos-Patriots rematch in late January. Stay tuned.

In the NFC, all we know is that w don't know anything. The Arizona Cardinals have the best record in the NFC, but with the aid of Liquid Nails and duct tape at the QB position and on defense. The Packers looked like the class of the conference before a thrashing on national television called that assertion into question. And the team that pushed that question to the forefront, the New Orleans Saints, went from disappointment to division leader (.500 record notwithstanding) in five days with consecutive prime time wins. The NFC East has become less predictable than a box of Mexican jumping beans.

Mark Ingram's surge in production has rapidly bolstered the Saints' prospects. 1

MLB

I'm not sure what is more astonishing: the Kansas City Royals not only reaching the World Series, but being one swing of the bat in the bottom of the 9th from winning Game 7 or San Francisco Giants ace Madison Bumgarner's superhuman performance, especially his five innings of relief in Game 7. Bumgarner, the World Series MVP, surrendered only one run in 21 innings of work.

    "Chevy Guy" still cracks me up...and stuff. 2

NBA

In the East, we can just skip ahead to a Bulls vs Cavaliers Eastern Conference Finals. With The King back in Cleveland...and Kevin Love,,,and Kyrie Irving...and Ray Allen...it's like Back to The Future in C-town. The Cavs have a golden opportunity to return to the NBA Finals.

In the West, expect the same big boys from last year to duke it out: the Spurs, the Clippers, the Thunder. Expect the Lakers to have ping-pong balls in their future again, especially with the losses of Steve Nash and Julius Randle. 

Finally, being a Louisiana man, I have to toss in some Pelicans fodder. Anthony Davis is poised for a huge year. You can print it; he is my dark horse MVP candidate for 2015.

FEAR THE BROW! 3

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info. 

1) Image from www.si.com

2) Video from YouTube.

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The Hot Stove is Warming Up

The World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals game us a seven game battle royale with the American League Champion Texas Rangers that baseball fans will remember for years. While the images from that titanic series will forever be frozen in time through the miracles of modern media, the teams and their rosters are not frozen. Contracts expire; players get traded.

The big free agent, Albert Pujols, will be flying with the Angels next year instead of Redbirds. A number of significant free agent moves have also taken place. Closing pitchers and other role players have already begun to move teams. Meanwhile, big sluggers, like Prince Fielder, are seeking the best opportunity to cash in on their career resumes.
Here are the big transactions in this offseason’s hot stove:

Los Angeles Dodgers

Matt Kemp, CF - 8 years, $160 million - This was a resigning that the Dodgers absolutely, positively had to make happen if they were to return to a competitive state. Many argued that Kemp should have been the National League M.V.P. That number has likely increased in light of reigning N.L. M.V.P. Ryan Braun's positive test for performance enhancing drugs. This was one mega-deal that few critics questioned the wisdom of.

Jerry Hairston, Jr., SS - 2 years, $6 million - The well-traveled Hairston offers the Dodgers an often unsung asset - a shortstop who it consistent and competent with the stick. At age 35, Hairston hit .270. Barring an unforeseen and dramatic drop off, the Dodgers got better with this move.

Kemp may not be with Rihanna anymore, but he has 160 million friends to help him move on. 1

Texas Rangers

Joe Nathan, CP – 2 years, $14.5 million - The defending two-time American League champions have to shake off the enormous missed opportunity (being one strike away, twice, from winning) in the World Series. Singing a top tier closer in Joe Nathan and promoting a young star who may have too much potential to remain a closer, 2010 A.L. Rookie of the Year Neftali Feliz, to the starting rotation are the progressive steps that the Rangers need to take to make a third run for the MLB mountain top.

With Feliz moving to the starting rotation, he can better help his team recreate moments like these. 2

Cleveland Indians

Grady Sizemore, CF – 1 year, $5 million - Five million dollars is a lot of money for an outfielder with above average power, but below average contact and below average health, approaching age 30. It is even more puzzling considering that the Indians were a team in first place for most of the year, but sputtered after the All-Star break in 2011 as Sizemore has not played 110 games or more since 2008. Still, there is something to be said for retaining talent. Sizemore functions in a leadership role in the Indians clubhouse and should he stay healthy and/or return to his pre-2009 form with the bat, his contract will appear to be a small risk in hindsight.

Kansas City Royals

Jonathan Broxton, CP – 1 year, $4 million - When a team like the Dodgers, with financial problems, resigns its star to a long term, $20 million/year contract, other talented players have to be allowed to leave. When a team like the Royals, which has taken baby steps over the past two year to be more competitive, can pick up a piece like Broxton, one of the better closers in the majors, it is a win-win for baseball.

Chicago Cubs

David DeJesus, RF – 2 years, $10 million - The Cubs have crippled themselves with bad signings in recent years. Committing $10 million in payroll to a 31 year old outfielder whose batting average dropped by nearly 80 points from the prior year, and 40 points below his career average, falls in line with that pattern.

Colorado Rockies

Ramon Hernandez, C - 2 years, $6.4 million - With the defection of long time catcher Chris Iannetta to the Los Angles Angels to join MLB's version of the "Dream Team", the Rockies may have been backed into a favorable free agency corner. The 34 year old veteran catcher, formerly with the Cincinnati Reds, is coming off of the best two year stretch as a contact hitter of his entire career.


Miami Marlins

Heath Bell, CP - 3 years, $27 million - Lots of style....

Jose Reyes, SS - 6 years, $106 million - ...How much...

Mark Buehrle, SP - 4 years, $58 million - ....substance?

Miami: A city doomed to repeat history. 3

Minnesota Twins

Matt Capps, CP - 1 year, $4.8 million - In Louisiana, our Governor, Bobby Jindal, has a catch phrase, "Doing more with less." The Twins are doing just that. After losing long time closer Joe Nathan to free agency, the Twins picked up a very capable closer, in Capps, and committed $9 million less in total payroll and close to $3 million in 2012 salary (compared to Nathan) to do so. For a team with very capable starting pitchers, this was a prudent move.

Josh Willingham, LF - 3 years, $21 million - Willingham will offer the Twins some of the bases-clearing power their lineup has lacked since Torii Hunter left for Anaheim four years ago and Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau began having assorted ailments, causing the stars to miss games.


San Diego Padres

Huston Street, CP - acquired via trade with Colorado Rockies; 1 year, $7.5 million remaining -

The Padres are another team trying to do more with less, with one of the smallest payrolls in the majors. That is why picking up the big dollar contract of a declining closer in Street is a head scratcher.


Boston Red Sox

David Ortiz, DH - accepted salary arbitration - Big Papi expressed that it was time for a change after the Red Sox were eliminated from the playoffs on the final day of the 2011 regular season. I guess his watch was fast.


Milwaukee Brewers

Francisco Rodriguez - accepted salary arbitration - Just because K-Rod accepted arbitration does not mean he will be in Milwaukee next season. There has been speculation in the sports media about the possibility of the Brewers dealing Rodriguez, post-arbitration.

Aramis Ramirez, 3B - 3 years, $36 million - As I mentioned, the Cubs signed a lot of players who under delivered. Ramirez was not one of them. His bat is going to help replace some of what the Brewers will lose with the imminent defection of Prince Fielder.

Toronto Blue Jays

Kelly Johnson, 2B - accepted salary arbitration - The Blue Jays have had trouble retaining talented players. There is no better way, in MLB, to show a player the money than arbitration.


Los Angeles Angels

Albert Pujols, 1B - 10 years, $254 million - Last name "Ever,"...first name, "Greatest"? Possibly. The Angels paid a fortune of a premium to acquire the game's best player. This deal may prove costly at the back end of the contract. However, in the American League, the Angels will be able to move Pujols to the designated hitter position as he approaches age 40 and begins to slow down. Big risk...big reward.

C.J. Wilson, SP - 5 years, $77.5 million - The Angels made power moves in both aspects of their game: hitting with Pujols and pitching with former Rangers ace C.J. Wilson. Some analysts have argued that Wilson is not the prototypical MLB ace pitcher (particularly last postseason, while frequently being compared to Cliff Lee of the Philadelphia Phillies), in spite of being consistent and successful over the years. With the arrival of Pujols and the return of Kendrys Morales from a nearly two year hiatus, due to injury, Wilson will have plenty of run support to afford to be "almost" a "true" ace.

Right now, the Dodgers are the "other team" in Los Angeles. 4

To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

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2) Image from http://www.sfgate.com/
3) Image from http://themiamiheatchampions.wordpress.com/
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Vin Mazzaro: It Could Have Been Worse!

As I have said many days, sports are often a parallel of life. It is that parallel that compels many of us to watch. Often, the intense, spirited competition and superior athletic skill of our favorite players and teams keep us coming back to the tube and the box office. Every now and then, though, it is colossal incompetence, failure, and ineptitude that grabs our attention.

On Monday, May 16, Kansas City Royals relief pitcher Vin Mazzaro yielded 14 earned runs in just 2⅓ innings of work. Typically in Major League Baseball, when a pitcher is getting shelled, and that description is mild in light of what actually happened to Mazzaro, managers will typically replace that pitcher when it is clear that the wheels are coming off. Giving up 10 runs in the fourth inning, I am confident that reality was apparent to Royals manager Ned Yost at some point before the inning was over.

Is he disgusted, crying, or about to take a dump on the pitcher's mound? 1

Perhaps Yost wanted to give Mazzaro a chance to finish the inning. Perhaps Yost allowed Mazzaro to go back out in the 5th inning, in which he would surrender an additional four more runs, to give Mazzaro an opportunity to rebuild his confidence. Maybe Yost thought it was funny. Who knows?

In any case, every competitive contest has provisions for an outmatched participant to throw his hands up in surrender. Mazzaro was the Royals’ human shield in yesterday’s 19-1 annihilation at the hands of the American League leading Cleveland Indians. I cannot help but wonder what life would be like for Mazzaro if every aspect of his life went as badly as his outing on Monday.

Let’s take a look:

Ned Yost and Vin Mazzaro's newset fans.... 2

Going for a Sunday drive….

(sound of a siren)

Cop: License and registration, please.

Mazzarro: I’m sorry, officer. Did I do something wrong?

Cop: Yes. You were doing 38 in a 35.

Mazzaro: Oh…I’m…sorry?

Ned Yost: (to the cop) 38 in a 35? What a bunch of crap! Why don’t you go find some real criminals!

Cop: Hmm. “Real criminals”, huh? Mr. Mazzaro, today is the 1st, sir; your registration expired last month.

Mazzaro: I’ve been out of town a lot. I’m a baseball play-…

Cop: And your inspection sticker expired, too.

Mazzaro: (pounds his steering wheel) DAMNIT!

Cop: What was that?

Yost: What was THAT? What the hell is wrong with YOU? Didn’t you meet your stupid little quota so you can play cop for another month?

Cop: (smiles slightly) Mmm….

Mazzaro: Sorry, sir. This is just not my day.

Cop: No. I mean did you just punch your steering wheel? I didn’t hear anything.

Mazzaro: I didn’t mean any offense. I was just frust-…

Cop: Honk your horn, please.

Mazzaro: (horn fails to make a sound) I guess something is wrong.

Cop: I see. Sir, I’ll have to write you a ticket for that, too. You also have a broken taillight.

Yost: (to Mazzaro) Don’t take no crap from him, kid!

Mazzaro: Oh come on!!! This is ridiculous!!!

Cop: Are you resisting?

Mazzaro: Resisting?

Cop: Step out of the car please. (Slaps cuffs on Mazzaro…calls in to tow the car away.)

Yost: (yelling, as the cop hauls Mazzaro off) Vin, I’m afraid I’ll have to send you down to the minors so I can put someone in your spot before the game. Tough break, kid!

"Step out of the car please!" 3

Breaking up….

Girlfriend: Vin, you were late for our dinner last night.

Mazzaro: I’m sorry. Our plane was a little late.

Girlfriend: This isn’t as exciting as it used to be.

Mazzaro: You knew what it would be like dating a ballplayer. Listen, I was sent down to Omaha. I’ll need to move away for a few weeks until I can get my groove back.

Girlfriend: I think we should see other people.

Mazzaro: Why?

Girlfriend: I just can’t take the sneaking around, the cheating….

Mazzaro: I’ve never cheated on you.

Girlfriend: I know! That’s what makes this hard!

Mazzaro: With who?

Girlfriend: The neighbor.

Mazzaro: WHAT?

Girlfriend: And your uncle…your college roommate, the mailman, my old boss, my new boss. You mean you never noticed? Oh, and your boss….

Mazzaro: Ned Yost?

Girlfriend: Is that his name?

Mazzaro: WHY?

Girlfriend: The man is experienced! And equipped…. Oh and he said he’s sending you down to the minors so we can spend more time…

So, that's why he's smiling! 5

Mazzaro: I mean why are you sleeping with anyone with a pulse!!!???

Girlfriend: You spend too much time playing that game!

Mazzaro: It’s how I make a living!

Just like on the mound Monday, Vin didn't see the signs. 4

Boxing….

Announcer: Oh my! Vin Mazzaro is taking a beating. Why was he ever allowed into the ring with “Sugar” Shane Mosley? Mazzaro’s manager, Ned Yost, still won’t throw in the towel.

(bell rings, Mazzaro goes to his corner)

Mazzaro: Ned, I’m getting my head kicked in man. I didn’t land a single punch last round. I can’t see because my eyes are swollen shut, and I’m starting to choke on my own blood, a little.

Yost: (in the voice of “Mick” from the “Rocky” movies) ONE MORE ROUND!

Ned Yost resembles Mick, a little. 6

(starting bell rings)

Announcer: I can’t believe Yost let Mazzaro answer the bell! And it looks like Mosely is now doing punching bag practice drills on Mazzaro’s face! Oh the humanity!

Sugar Shane Mosley vs Vin Mazzaro: That's about what it would look like. 7

At Ned Yost’s house….

Yost: Do me a favor, Vin. You’re a strong, young guy. Would you go into the back yard and haul that case of batting equipment into the house? The delivery guy just left it there.

(Mazzaro agrees; a minute later, the sounds of barking dogs can be heard)

Yost: What’s going on out here?

Mazzaro: Skip, I think you forget to tell me about these three pit bulls. AHHHH! It bit my leg. ARRGH! And my hand. It bit...AHHH my ass! Your dogs bit my ass!

"Mazzaro Luck" 8

(dogs still barking, growling)

Yost: Wait! Hand me the box first. Don’t drop it!

Mazzaro: What about the dogs?

(dogs still attacking Mazzaro)

Yost: You can take it, kid. Just hand me the box.

Mazzaro: Here! (hands over the box)

Yost: (to the dogs) Alright! (whistles) Knock it off!

(dogs immediately become silent, stop biting Mazzaro)

Yost: You know, you should really be more careful around strange dogs, Vin. With an injury like, that, I’m gonna have to send you down to the minors!

Danny Duffy, formerly of the AAA Omaha Storm Chasers, may be Vin Mazzaro's biggest fan. Mazzaro joined the Storm Chasers on Tuesday. Duffy is scheduled to start for the Royals on Wednesday. 9

So remember, Hat Trick readers. No matter how bad of a day you had at work, today, very few of you had a day as bad as Vin Mazzaro had this past Monday. If you are Vin Mazzaro, at least the situations I described are figments of my imagination and didn’t really happen; much worse things could have happened to you.

Don’t forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise in The Daily Hat Trick or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

1) Image from ngngsports.com
2) Image from ESPN
3) Image from blippitt.com
4) image from over250k.com
5) Image from bleacherreport.com
6) Image from glensasscer.com
7) Image from boxing360.com
8) Image from mybrokenjaw.com
9) Image from kansascity.com

Word on the Tweet - May 17, 2011

Twitter bombs have been dropping. Feet have been put in mouth. And The Daily Hat Trick has, once again, gotten the top secret, private Tweets that are not available to the public!


Atlanta Thrashers President Don Waddell, whose NHL club is rumored to be attempting a move to Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada:

@AtlantaJournalConstitution I keep telling you guys that those @Mayflower trucks are for the move to my new house. #rumors

Mayflower Customer Service:

@ThrasherDon So…we’re delivering this Zamboni to your HOUSE? #BS RT @AtlantaJournalConstitution I keep telling you guys that those @Mayflower trucks are for the move to my new house.

The Mayflower company has heard this song and dance before. 1, 2

Kansas City Royals organization relief pitcher Vin Mazzaro, who gave up 14 runs in less than 3 innings and was subsequently sent down to the minors:

At least I didn’t get the loss. #GraspingAtStraws #SavingFace #ERA>DrinkingAge

"Dude! Why is he leaving me in the game? Did the skipper find out I hooked up with his daughter? I told you that in confidence!" 3

Cincinnati Bengals WR Chad Ochocinco, who recently tried his hand at bull riding:

Maybe they’ll trade me now.

QB Carson Plamer, who has vowed to retire if the Bengals don’t trade him:

@Ochocinco Only if the bull steps on you first. #NiceTry RT Maybe they’ll trade me now.

FAIL! 4

Phoenix Suns President Rick Welts, who recently announced that he is gay:

@BlackMamba It just so happens the visiting locker room is being fumigated the next time you guys play here. There’s a storage shed in the parking lot you guys can use.

Kobe’s response:

@CEO_Welts You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that? RT @BlackMamba It just so happens the visiting locker room is being fumigated the next time you guys play here.

Welts:

@BlackMamba So you saw my press conference, too? #rimshot #zing!

Yankees GM Brian Cashman, in response to Derek Jeter’s public support of Jorge Posada asking out of Saturday’s lineup, in which Posada would have batted 9th. Jeter recently singed a 4 year contract, worth $45 million to $59 million:

@DJeterPoonMaster You are the CAPTAIN of this team! We expect your support in these matters! #CompanyMan

Jeter’s reply:

@ColdHardCashman F__k you! Pay me! #PaulieFromGoodfellas

"Brian Cashman? Whatamigonnado with this guy, eh?" 5

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with The Daily Hat trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.
 

1) Image from thedisposition.us

2) Image from cultureofsoccer.com

3) Image from Sports Illustrated

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