Words like "mess" are often reserved for colloquial conversation and children who have not quite broadened their vocabularies yet. However, the expression “hot mess” has become prevalent in pop culture recently. There are several teams in the NFL in 2010 that I cannot describe as any better other than calling them a big mess.
Honorable (or not so) Mention Messes
There are some teams that simply have a lot of problems. There are a few teams like this every year. They may give their best efforts every week and almost always rip off a few wins because in the NFL, the talent gap between the best team and the next best team or the worst team and the second worst team is razor thin. But if you stack 31 razors on top one another, there is a small amount of space occupied, visible to the naked eye, meaning if you are not closer to the top, or at least near the middle, you might be close in a few games, but your win count will be limited.
The Buffalo Bills are 0-7 but, bless their hearts, they have fought every week. The consecutive overtime losses to the Baltimore Raves, who, in opinions of many, are the best team in the AFC, and the AFC West leading Kansas City Chiefs were valiant efforts and crushing defeats for the Bills. Four of their losses, including losses to the Miami Dolphins and New England Patriots, have been within a touchdown of tying their opponent. But you are what your record is and Buffalo is winless.
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| It sucks to be him. |
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The Cincinnati Bengals had high expectations for 2010 with the addition of future Hall of Fame wide receiver Terrell Owens alongside friend and fellow Pro Bowl wideout Chad Ochocinco. Owens has more than held up is end of the bargain, with what he has both below and above his shoulders, but quarterback Carson Palmer has been in an uncharacteristic season long funk. If the Scoreboard Fairy could add 8 points (a touchdown and two point conversion) to each of the Bengals’ final scores, they would be “unbeaten in regulation”, to paraphrase LSU Coach Les Miles. But there is no Scoreboard Fairy and the Bengals are 2-5.
The San Diego Chargers ran off their best wide receiver, Vincent Jackson, for the first half of the season because their general manager, A.J. Smith, is a stubborn jackass who believes that the people at the top of an organization can ram their wills on the people at the bottom in an organization. Jackson, instead, has bent Smith and the Chargers over a barrel and has placed quarterback Philip Rivers in the position of Chance Rivers (if you do not know who that is – you do not want to know; if you search the image on the Internet, do NOT do it from work and get ready to regurgitate if you are a man that likes women). The Chargers are 3-5, far short of their Super Bowl potential and A.J. Smith is likely to either fall on the sword or skewer Chargers Head Coach Norv Turner with it before the end of the season.
The Denver Broncos lost super freak linebacker Elvis Dumervil for the season before it started. Kyle Orton is the quarterback. Josh McDaniels is the head coach. Any questions? Oh? Not convinced? The Oakland Raiders…the OAKLAND RAIDERS took the Broncos behind the woodshed and hung 59 points in Denver’s house. Tom Cable is not the second coming of Tom Flores (the former Raiders two time Super Bowl winning head coach). The Broncos are just a mess.
Big Mess #4 – The San Francisco 49ers (2-6)
Quarterback Alex Smith appeared poised for a breakthrough season in 2010. Many pundits predicted that the 49ers would break their seven year playoff drought. Perhaps “eight is enough” because that futility appears to be continuing this season. The 49ers have suffered from either too many turnovers, inability to finish games, Head Coach Mike Singletary and the bus he keeps publicly throwing his players under, or any combination of the three. Can’t win with him! Can’t do it!
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The Redskins are not off to a bad start and are less than two games out of first place in the NFC East. Coach Mike Shanahan, a two time Super Bowl winner and, prior to 2010, one of the most unquestionably respected head coaches in the NFL, appears to be determined to win the NFL’s equivalent of the Opposite Sketches from the 1980s Nickelodeon Television Show “You Can’t Do That on Television”.
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| You Can't Do That on Television - that's a MESS! |
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Shanahan appears determined to take a team with potential and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Between his decision to spend most of training camp teaching defiant ($100 million) nose tackle Albert Haynesworth a lesson before the media and his inexplicable decision to replace possible future Hall of Fame quarterback Donovan McNabb with a QB grateful to be back in the NFL again in Rex Grossman in the final minutes, trailing at the Detroit Lions, one must wonder if the game has passed Shanahan by.
To make matters worse, Shanahan attempted to fool those over the age of 12 by saying that McNabb’s “cardiovascular endurance” was in question in the final two minutes, though not the first 58 minutes of the game. He threw more gasoline on the fire by implying that McNabb was not intelligent enough to run the Redskins two minute offensive scheme. Those of you that just took a deep breath, and I need not guess why, can relax because McNabb, the class act he always has been, said it was the “coach’s decision” (though he admitted that he was insulted by being pulled and the reasons given to the press) and moved on.
Big Mess #2 – The Minnesota Vikings (2-5)
The Vikings have been the biggest soap opera in the NFL in 2010. Brett Favre went through his annual ritual of being begged to come back and play, accompanied with buckets of money (funny how his ankle rehab sped up each time the Vikings upped Favre’s incentive dollars and his ankle was “ready” about a week after agreeing upon a dollar amount). Brett Favre continued to laugh and pat Coach Brad Childress on his balding head with each attempt by Childress to man up and convince everyone that he (Childress) was in charge. Fortunately, nobody believes that.
Then the Vikings reacquire Randy Moss in a trade with the New England Patriots. Less than a month later, the Patriots have a third round pick from the Vikings in next year’s draft and are free of a volatile but offensively explosive player in the final year of his contract, Randy Moss. Now Childress has made the Vikings free of Moss, too. Next, Childress will likely be free of his job.
Big Mess #1 – The Dallas Cowboys (1-6)
The Cowboys had the ambition of being the first team ever to host a Super Bowl in its home stadium. They appeared to have the talent to make that possibility a reality. Thanks to Head Coach Wade Phillips, the Cowboys can still host the big game if they buy tickets to the event and volunteer to carry party trays around Cowboys Stadium in February. Back to back weeks of foolish penalties for excessive celebration, a holding penalty in week 1 against the Redskins that erased a game winning touchdown, surrendering 31 unanswered points to the Giants after capitalizing on two quick, early turnovers on Monday Night Football and the loss of quarterback Tony Romo with a broken collarbone have been the iceberg to the Cowboys’ Titanic. At this point, the firing of Phillips at mid-season, something Jerry Jones has repeatedly said he will not do, seems more akin to euthanasia than a termination.
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| Why won't Jerry Jones just put the man out of his misery? |
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1) Image from mikesbloggityblog.com
2) Image from cursillo-canada.org
3) Image from sfgate.com
4) Image from siliconangle.com
