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Monday, April 1, 2013

White Men Can’t Jump? Peel back the layers….

Alabama Senator William R. King proposed a bill this morning that would require all NBA, Major League Baseball, and NFL teams to lighten up their starting rosters. Senate Bill S.986 stipulates that pro sports teams without white players in positions traditionally dominated by black players interview and consider at least one qualified white player before finalizing their rosters at the start of each regular season and postseason.

Specifically, the bill affects the following leagues as follows:

NBA – All teams without any players in their preliminary Opening Night starting lineup will be required to interview one white member of their roster to determine “suitability for a current or future starting role” on the team. Teams with no white players on the roster must select a white Developmental League player or unsigned free agent to be interviewed. The Boston Celtics are exempted from the rule due to an “established history of proactive racial equality” in its player and coaching personnel.

Dear Senator King: Dude, seriously? 2
Major League Baseball – All teams without any white American starting outfielders, starting infielders, or starting pitchers will be required to interview a candidate from the bullpen, bench, or 40 man roster.

Seriously? 3
NFL – All teams with no defensive starters, or no offensive starters other than at quarterback are required to interview at least one white player for a starting position. Teams with no white defensive players or non-quarterback offensive players may grant a courtesy interview to one of the backup quarterbacks to comply with the law, already dubbed the “King Rule”, clearly not of the Martin Luther variety.

King said, “Sports are an integral part of the fabric of our culture in America today. For the good of the future of sports, we cannot afford to lose the interest and patronage of 70% of the population. There are rules and systems in place that have increasingly and systematically excluded the American white man from participating in professional sports.”

He continued, “They’ve already taken over Washington, with Barack Obama and all. There was a time when Washington’s football team didn’t even allow blacks. Now they have another one trying to win a Super Bowl at quarterback. I’m not suggesting we keep them from playing. Just a little representation from the (sic) people who pay their salaries,”

Senator William R. King (Alabama) 1
King’s bill was immediately blasted by Senate Democrats. “This is another example of the overt race baiting politics that a desperate Republican caucus continues to employ to salvage its rapidly shrinking footprint everywhere in this country outside of the Deep South. This serves the interests of the American people in no way except to give recognition to a niche segment of our society that the rest of us would rather ignore or hide from the rest of the world,” said a Democratic Senator who declined to be identified.

The bill is set for debate in the Commerce Committee early next month.


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Note: Senator William R. King (D-AL) served the state of Alabama in the United States Senate back in the 50s, the 1850s. He was Vice President of the United States under President Franklin Pierce in 1853. Obviously, none of the quotes attributed to Senator King are possible as he has been dead for over 150 years. This post is for experimental and entertainment purposes only and should not be taken seriously by anyone with even below-average critical thinking skills.

Special thanks to Josh Innes of the J&R Show on Sportsradio 610 (KILT - Houston) for creative inspiration. 

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