The Stories Behind the Story of Super Bowl XLV

The 2010 NFL season is officially over and who knows if there will even be a 2011 season. So, with the memories of the Super Bowl still fairly fresh in the minds of most, The Daily Hat Trick wanted to ease the transition of football fans everywhere. Today we are going to look at some of the stories that surrounded the last NFL game of last year, none of which have to do with the actual game played on the field. You get a dose NFL without the football.


Christina Aguilera Bungles the National Anthem

Talk about topics on which I am ambivalent…! As a blogger, occurrences like this give guys like me something to write about for you to read about and enjoy. Personally, however, if I hear another peep about Christina Aguilera “messing up” the anthem, I will scream. I am sick of it. It happened; she cannot take it back. With five Grammys under her belt, she gets a mulligan.

Former Olympic gold medalist Carl Lewis stopped, mid-stream, while performing the anthem at a New Jersey Nets game, and said, “UH OH! I’ll make up for it now.” He did not “make up for it,” by the way. He would not get a mulligan.


UH OH!!! 2

Comedienne Roseanne Barr, who screamed the anthem at a San Diego Padres game at Jack Murphy Stadium in 1990, concluded her, um, performance (to this day I am not sure if it was intended to be a vocal or comedic performance) by spitting and feigning a crotch-grab, mimicking the ballplayers. It only offended millions of people, in a country on the brink of the first Gulf War and prompted President Bush (41) to call the performance “disgraceful”. She would not get a mulligan.

You've gotta have some real stones to grab stones that you don't have in front of tens of thousands of people. 3

Christina Aguilera transposed three words improperly and quickly got back on track. Nobody is perfect. It happens. Get over it!

Hat Trick grade (for performance of the anthem): C-/D+

"Proudly"..."ramparts"...who cares? I'm proud of you, girl! You SING THAT SONG (better the next time)!!! 1

Super Bowl Commercials: A Vast Intellectual Wasteland

Former Federal Communications Commission Chairman Newton Minnow, nearly 50 years ago, called television a “vast wasteland”. He cited commercials as a key contributor to this state. According to Wikipedia, Minnow is still alive. I doubt his position changed one iota if he watched the Super Bowl ads. In fact, if his position DID change, he may have reverted back.

1) Pepsi Max Slapstick Shtick

This commercial set was the one that grabbed my attention the most. Pepsi, while it makes an inferior soft drink compared to its archrival, Coke (at least as far as my taste buds are concerned), has had a bunch of kick-ass marketing campaigns over the years. Michael Jackson and the “choice of a New Generation” campaign, Shaquille O’Neal quenching his giant sized thirst by gulping Pepsi, Britney Spears, and countless other campaigns have made Pepsi the prince of pop culture cola marketing in the Coca-Cola kingdom of soft drinks.

There's the windup. And...the pitch! 4

So, while I had a couple of chuckles, I was a little under-whelmed by Pepsi’s reliance on slapstick punchlines for its Super Bowl ads. In one ad, a wife attempts to clock her husband for having that Italian disease that all red blooded men have: “Roman Eyes”. The man ducks and the young, hot blonde gets cracked on the noggin with a can of Pepsi Max like Curly from The Three Stooges. Nyuck, nyuck, nycuk…! In another ad, the punchline was a man being hit in the crotch with the calorie free Pepsi. Hardee harr harrrrr!

Hat Trick grade: C

2) Doritos

I give Frito Lay credit for not being afraid to go outside the box, but perhaps they should embrace the box a little more. In one ad, a coworker tells another coworker, who had just finished his Doritos, that he forgot the best part. I expected him to grab the bag and eat the crumbs (my personal favorite part). But no, the man licks the powdered remains of the cheesy chips off of his male coworker’s finger. I am all for tolerance and do not believe in bashing anyone. But I always ask myself who the primary target viewer is in an ad. “Gay men” was the only answer I kept arriving at.

Hat Trick Grade: C-

Frito Lay could have gotten Chance Rivers to do this ad. It would elimiate any confusion of the target audience. If you don't know who that is, DO NOT look that up from a workplace PC. 5 

In another ad, some nincompoop is house-sitting, very badly, and ends up knocking an urn containing a grandfather’s ashes on the ground. Throughout the ad, the Doritos have magical powers and some sprinkles of the nacho snack bring Grandpa’s ashes back to life. I personally enjoyed this ad, but it was anything BUT conventional. Love it or hate it, this ad got people talking.

Hat Trick grade: A-

3) Teleflora: “Amazing Rack”

I will keep my criticism of this ad short and sweet. In the ad, Faith Hill is helping a man, buying flowers for the woman of his affections, pick out the right words, but his own words from his heart. So what does the man say? “You have the most amazing rack.”

REALLY? A boob joke? Yes, it is usually on our minds…often. But C’MON MAN! When a man is buying a woman a gift like flowers, which are possibly the most classic romantic symbol, boobs are not top-of-mind. Don’t get me wrong! Our motivation may include the experience of a woman’s body (the motivation may be that experience, exclusively), but the average, normal man trying to do something romantic for a woman he has feelings for is not thinking about “that one thing” first and foremost. That punchline was easy, of the lowest common denominator, only slightly funny (even on the toilet humor level), and ridiculous.

Hat Trick grade: D

Halftime Show - It LOOKED Great

The halftime show, featuring the Black Eye Peas, received significant criticism in the press. I personally thought the show LOOKED great. It LOOKED well choreographed. My EYES were not disappointed.

The sound engineering was awful. AW-FUL…! When the featured act is a MUSCIAL act, sound production is of utmost importance. Someone should have lost his or her job over that fiasco. The Peas performed some of their most popular, high energy singles, which I like to bop along to, myself, in the car or club. However, the balance between the music and vocals was beneath the quality of anything produced by the students from my high school’s media classes. Mic levels were nowhere near where they should have been and completely mistimed. It was as though someone ignored that aspect of concert preparation.

Say what you like; Fergie is FINE! That was worth the 12 minutes of cacophony. 6

Ultimately, it was a Black Eye Peas performance and the Black Eye Peas got a black eye! The Super Bowl is a potentially powerful marketing tool for a musical act to reach people only marginally familiar with its work. People who are familiar with the Peas and/or have been to their concerts know what the group is capable of and will think no less of them. The people that the group likely wanted to reach had no reason to be impressed. The show LOOKED just fine but sounded like something Milli Vanilli would be justified in criticizing.

Hat Trick grade: D-

Alex Rodriguez & Cameron Diaz

Friggin’ A-Rod, man…! Every time I try to give this dude the benefit of the doubt, something happens that makes it impossible for me to really embrace this guy. How are you, the third baseman for the Yankees, a perennial All-Star with Hall of Fame statistics, going to be seen canoodling at the Super Bowl with Cameron Diaz and she is feeding you popcorn like you are a baby in a high chair? C’MON MAN!

Hat Trick grade: F…Epic F

FAILURE! 6

Row of Dignitaries...and Madden

I was impressed with the shot of dignitaries in (what I believe was) the owner’s suite at Cowboys Stadium. We see former First Couple George and Laura Bush, nice. We see Condoleezza Rice, okay. Hall of Famer John Madden, alri-….JOHN MADDEN??? Hmm, perhaps Madden would have fit batter among the dignitaries if he were not texting on his phone when the camera panned over.

Hat Trick grade (for Madden): D



Only 43 different men ever to walk the Earth have been President of the United States of America (President Grover Cleveland was #22 and #24, but I digress). Only 5 of those men are among the 6 billion people living right now. John Madden is sitting next to one. WHAT IN THE HELL COULD HE BE TEXTING that is so important it that it couldn't wait for W to go #1? 7

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1) Image from reuters.com
2) Image from kitchensnark.com
3) Image from gaslampball.com
4) Image from video.news.com.au
5) Image from nysportsjournalism.squarespace.com
6) image from aceshowbiz.com
7) Image from topix.com