Word on The Tweet - May 3, 2011

Yesterday, the day after the killing of terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden, felt, to me, like a day in which sports were so trivial that, barring a major story like a retirement, an arrest, or a death, I could not find the inspiration to write about a sports topic. Sports, ultimately, are entertainment, albeit often interwoven with social and societal elements. Anything I could offer on a day-to-day contrast pales in comparison to the milestone victory of the Unites States in the war on terror.

Regardless, the world moves forward and it is back to business at The Daily Hat Trick. There were a handful of notables and quotables the world of sports. As always, the Hat Trick has access to the top secret Tweets and is sharing them with you!

Former Patriots quarterback Drew Bledsoe, in response to Tom Brady’s claim that he intends to play for 10 more years with the Patriots (which was in reaction to the Pats’ drafting of QB Ryan Mallett):

@GQ_QB12 Did Coach give you that whole speech about “grooming a backup just in case”? Welcome to my world. #Karma #FatherTime

2

Los Angeles Dodgers Right Fielder Andre Either, who extended his hitting streak to 28 games, halfway to Joe DiMaggio’s 70 year old record 56 game hitting streak.

@Associated_Press DiMaggio? SLOW DOWN! #GettingAheadOf Ourselves


Dodgers First Baseman James Loney, who is being fined $1 for every pop fly out to left field:

@FrankMcCourt Will this help you make payroll next week? #Bankruptcy

Dodgers Owner Frank McCourt 3

Referee Ed Malloy, who ejected Celtics Forward Paul “The Truth” Pierce for speaking to Dwayne Wade of the Heat after a foul involving a Pierce screen was called:

@TheTruth_34 You never heard? I’m Ed Malloy, baby! I throw people OUUUUT! #Martin


Former Auburn University running back Mario Fannin, who was the 46th player selected in the United Football League draft:

@Heisman_Cam I’ll let you know what to look out for in the pros! #Lockout

Newton:

@SuperMarioFannin Do you think you could give me a reference, bro? #NotGettingPaid

Maybe Cam would profit more from another season at Auburn. 4

Charlie Sheen:

@OsamaBinShotUp Wow! You know what I call Sunday night for us? DUH! WINNING! #bayonets

WINNING! 5

GOD BLESS AMERICA!


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1) American flag image from wxerfm.com
2) Image from whentheunderdogwins.wordpress.com
3) Image from insidesocal.com

4) Image from inallkindsofweather.com

5) Image from newsnet7.wordpress.com

Charlie Sheen’s Speech to the LSU Baseball Team

Those of you that read regularly know that I am a graduate of Louisiana State University. The LSU baseball team is in the midst of a funk, having recently ended a four game losing streak on Wednesday. LSU has lost several winnable games in way that makes fans, like me, scratch their heads and say, “Hmm”.

Being the purple and gold bleeding LSU fan that I am, I used my confidential sources and reached out to Charlie Sheen. With a critical three game series against the Auburn Tigers starting tonight, I thought I’d help secure the Sheen karma for OUR boys with tiger blood. Sheen gave a motivational speech to the UCLA baseball team earlier in the season. UCLA is currently ranked #23 in the Baseball America Top 25 while LSU has fallen out of the ranks of college baseball’s elite. I thought a little dose of Charlie Sheen wouldn’t kill the Fighting Tigers, but make them stronger.

Sheen to UCLA Baseball: "Drink chocolate milk. Stay off the crack." 1

With that said, Mr. Sheen offers these words of inspiration to the LSU baseball team:

“You guys are going to need a little more than chocolate milk to claim the ultimate prize. But you’ve got it already. Just like me, you’ve got Tiger’s Blood, man! For crying out loud, it’s in your NAME! You know what that makes you? Duh! ‘WINNERS’!

Tiger Blood! 2

Auburn might have Tiger Blood, too. So what! They might think they’re tough as nails. They might BE nails. If they’re nails, the LSU Tigers are bayonets. Look at the Intimidator. Six College World Series titles…! You’re battle tested bayonets!

Some of your fans will be happy if you take this series. Taking the series might just be a 67 percent success rate. That’s the rate of sissies! You’re gonna get addicted to WINNING! You’re gonna have a 100 percent success rate.

Mikie Mahtook: WINNING! 2

So when Auburn ends up in your Alex Box Octagon, you give them nothing but pain in their silly travels! When they leave here on Sunday, they’re going to be 0 for 3 at The Box the way I’m 0 for 3 in marriage! Smoke those earthworms with your fire breathing bats then go home and nail the coed goddesses like the rock stars you are!

Stay off the crack. Geaux Tigers.”

Opposing catcher: nails. Austin Nola: bayonet! 2

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1) Image from obsessedwithsports.com
2) Images from lsusports.net

Charlie Sheen Speech to the UCLA Baseball Team

Actor Charlie Sheen, recovering from a recent drug overdose, recently gave a motivational speech to he UCLA baseball team. Video of Sheen advising, "Stay off the crack. Drink chocolate milk. That's all I've got." went viral. However Sheen did draw inspiration for his speech. It turns out that some members of the UCLA team, while hanging out with Sheen, removed some of the actor's precious stash of blow and pills. The Daily Hat Trick has the never before released full transcript of Sheen's inspirational speech to the team, in the locker room before heading to the practice field, inspired heavily by New York Jets coach Rex Ryan. 

Sheen may have borrowed some motivational tactics from coach Ryan. 1

"You guys know me, that I'm about as much of a train wreck of a guy as there is. I believe this team is better than every f-ing team in the Pac-10. I believe our players are better than any players in the league, right? Those are true statements. That's how I believe.

But the team's only going so far if I'm not the only guy on speed. The team is only going so far. I know what it's like to party and do blow off a urinal! I fell off of the wagon right before I drove up here. I can out party everyone myself, this whole group of men. We ain't going to win, guys, if we're using speed. I'm sitting back for us, waiting for us to understand the drug-free team that we said we're going to be, except for me. What the hell are we waiting on? Do you understand that my dope isn't cheap and I could detox at any time? There's a PRICE to PAY!!!

Don't be like me. Now GIVE ME BACK MY DRUGS!!! 2

Can we have fun? You're damn right. I demand that we have fun. Now there's a difference between having fun and being a junkie. Our pitchers were junkies when they "borrowed" some of my stash. That's being a junkie!

You can be a NCAA champion, but not like this! We won't win it. We'll sit back and say 'Why didn't we do it?' We didn't do it because 'Where were Charlie Sheen's Quaaludes?' 

Just play ball and leave the 'Ludes to Sheen. 3

Let's make sure we play like the f-ing UCLA Bruins and not some f-ing slap d__k team! And I want to see my bag of blow back in my hotel room, pronto! That's what I want to see tomorrow. Do we understand what the f___ I want to see tomorrow? Let's stay off the Goddamn crack!"

Sheen wanted to talk about a little more than chocolate milk. 4

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To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

Special thanks to Josh Innes (Rich Lord & Josh Innes) of KILT, CBS Sports Radio 610-AM in Houston, Texas for providing creative inspiration and guidance for this piece. An audio variation of this interview may be heard at a future time, with permission from The Daily Hat Trick, on KILT or its affiliates. 

1) Image from warmingglow.uproxx.com
2) Image from recoveryconnection.org
3) Image from funnys.website.org
4) Image from tmz.com