WWMD – What Would Manny Do?



Manny being Manny 1

It appears that the colorful career of Manny Ramirez came to an end on Friday. Ramirez announced his retirement from the Tampa Bay Rays after it was revealed that he failed a drug test for performance enhancing drugs for the second time. Under Major League Baseball rules, Ramirez would have faced a 100 game suspension. A subsequent infraction would have resulted in a lifetime ban.

The sports media has covered every angle of how this latest, and possibly final, episode in The Saga of Man Ram would affect Ramirez’s legacy. Will this kill his chances of getting into the Hall of Fame? Was Ramirez arrogant or stupid (or both)? Was his “Manny being Manny” act a rouse to minimize the fallout when he decided that Manny was going to do what Manny wanted to do when Manny wanted to do it? What does this latest chapter say about his career?

At least Manny didn't leave us guessing as to whether he'd continue playing. 2

The Daily Hat Trick is a drop of water in the ocean of sports writing. I am glad to have every one of you reading this blog. So I feel that I owe you a little more than the same cliché drivel that you can find on any major sports site anywhere.

Very briefly, my opinion on Manny’s career is as follows. Manny Ramirez was a colorful and somewhat eccentric personality during his time in the majors. He was also one of the most precise and feared hitters in the majors. Even during his “slumps”, except for his short time in Tampa, he was still better than all but the most elite.

His stat sheet speaks for itself and he would have my vote for the Hall of Fame on the first ballot. Baseball has rules and all of Manny’s achievements happened within the parameters of those rules. I am not a fan of revisionist sports history. What happened on the field happened. I am also fully aware that the Baseball Writers Association of America will have a different view for decades to come.

With all of that said, my thoughts for today are not what was, but what could be. Manny’s eccentricity endeared him to fans everywhere he played, until it was time for him to go. Manny was Manny and marched to the beat of his own drummer. Whether you liked it or not, his value at the plate was unquestionable. How would Manny’s demeanor on the diamond translate into real life situations? What would Manny do?

By the way, is it a coincidence that the acronym for “what would Manny do” contains the letters “WMD”?


Car Shopping – WWMD?

Salesperson: Well, you’ve taken her for a test drive. We let you check the car out for three days. You’ve installed a custom entertainment system. (sniffs) I can smell the, um, aroma of your fine cigars entrenched in the upholstery. I assume you’ve bought yourself a car, sir?

Manny: I need to sleep on it.

Salesperson: Sleep on it? Mr. Ramirez, I don’t understand. Clearly you have made yourself at home in this car.

Manny: I never signed anything.

Salesperson: Do you have any idea how much you could cost us? What am I supposed to tell my boss?

Manny: Tell him everybody is invited to my house tonight for free drinks!

Manny: "Tell you what. Keep the rims." 3

Public Appearances – WWMD?

Retail Sponsor: Alright, Manny. When the doors open tomorrow, we want the customer to see you and your trademark dreads and “Manny smile”. Everyone that buys something gets an autograph, got it?

Manny: Sure thing! My check cleared already. Whatever you need, man.

(the following day)

Sponsor: Manny! You…cut…your…hair off? WHY?

Manny: It’s hot out here today.

Sponsor: But, but, but…couldn’t you wait until after today? I’d call the whole thing off except we’ve paid you already! How could you do this to us?

Manny: Hey! I didn’t kill nobody; I didn’t rape nobody. So….

Perhaps Manny thought he'd be signing rookie cards. 4

Dating – WWMD?

Friend: Manny, this is Becky, my date. Becky, this is my good friend, Manny.

Becky: I know who you are! Hel-lo!

Manny: Nice to meet you.

Friend: Manny, I am going to run and get us all some drinks. You want anything?

Manny: Naw, I’m good, man.

Even I'd know better than this. 5

(after friend leaves)

Manny: Hey, Becky. You wanna get outta here? We can go to my yacht. I can make you a little something to eat…. I’ll text him. Tell him where to catch up to us.

Becky: Well…that’s all we’re going to do is eat?

Manny: Oh yeahhh! Eat. That’s all!

(Two hours later, the friend climbs on Manny yacht and into the cabin.)

Friend: MANNY! Oh my God! You ditched me at the club and took my date back here to sleep with you?

Manny: I wasn’t sleepin’, man. Besides, you were takin’ too long.

Friend: I was gone for three minutes! How can you live with yourself?

Manny: Hey. I’m just Manny being Manny, man. It’s great!

It was great. Thanks for the memories, Manny! 6

Don't forget tot vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with the Daily Hat Trick, or submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.
1) Image from the situationist.wordpress.com
2) Image from bostondirtdogs.boston.com
3) Image from 300cforums.com
4) Image from ioffer.com
5) Image from drunkathlete.com
6) Image from losthatsportsblog.com