Product Endorsements You Will Not See in 2013

The world of sports offers us a plethora of compelling stories that go beyond the field of play. Some are inspirational. Some elicit laughter. Some make us shake our heads in disappointment.

What many off the field stories do, however, is provide a human connection to the people who play the games we love to watch. Product endorsements also connect us to the people who make the games possible. They give us a glimpse into what those people are like after the games are over (even if what we see in the glimpse is manufactured to a degree).

As we have done in years past, here are product endorsements you can expect not to see in the coming year.

Tim Tebow for Disney World

Traditionally, the MVP of the Super Bowl has the privilege of making the iconic announcement, “I’m going to Disneyworld!” after the game.  More often than not, the quarterback is the MVP. Last year at this time, Tebow was thought by many fans to be the future of the Denver Broncos; then he was traded to the Jets. The Broncos may win a Super Bowl next year but I wouldn’t expect Tebow to shout the catch phrase, given his change of fortune in the last year.

The next time Tebow says, "I'm going to Disney World," will be followed by him kissing his mom goodbye, getting into his car, and driving to the airport. It won't happen on the football field, not while any cameras are on him. 1

Jeremy Lin for ESPN

Jeremy Lin burst on to the NBA scene last January and was one of the hottest stories of the month. Lin was nearing the end of a 10 day contract with the New York Knicks before being inserted into the lineup and lighting up the stat sheet.

Lin, an Asain-American point guard who played college ball at Harvard, trended heavily on search engines and social media. Why a staffer at ESPN.com chose to title a headline following a Knicks loss, “Chink in The Armor” is beyond me, but the staffer was soon fired and I doubt Lin will be appearing in any ESPN “This Is SportsCenter” spots in the near future.

Whoever was responsible for this reached the peak of an unremarkable career. 2

Sean Payton for Bounty Paper Towels

The New Orleans Saints head coach became ensnared in an NFL investigation that exposed an alleged bounty scheme by the New Orleans Saints. The Saints were accused of paying players under the table cash incentives for shots that resulted in injuries to opposing players between the 2009 and 2011 seasons. Payton was suspended for the entire 2012 season for his knowledge of and role in the “Bountygate” scandal.

Uh...no.... 3

Tiger Woods for ChristianMingle.com

I don’t think this one warrants much explanation.

Perhaps skankcity.com? 4 

Bobby Petrino for Harley Davidson

The former University of Arkansas head coach was fired from his position at Arkansas following a motorcycle crash in which the married Coach Petrino had a female passenger, 25 year old former volleyball player Jessica Dorrell. Petrino was allegedly romantically involved with Dorrell and reportedly pulled some strings to help land Dorrell a job with the University of Arkansas Athletic Department. Considering that poor operation of a motorcycle caused scandal and the demise of a major football program (and career), I don’t think the Harley people will be racing to Petrino to trumpet his use of their product.

That's not a good look, Coach! 5

Bobby Valentine's Motivational Speaking Circuit

The Boston Red Sox hired Bobby Valentine to succeed longtime, two-time World Series winning manager Terry Francona. The thought was that Francona’s approach was not fresh and perhaps things needed to be shaken up in the clubhouse. To say Valentine “shook things up” would be an understatement. He ran off longtime fan favorite Kevin Youkilis and was publicly thrown under the bus by team leader and former American League MVP Dustin Pedroia…less than a month into the season. Valentine was fired after the 2012 season.

I'm sure the Red Sox are kicking themselves, too, for hiring him. 6

Metta World Peace for Any Brand of Elbow Pads

Just before the beginning of the 2012 NBA Playoffs, Los Angeles Lakers forward Metta World Peace delivered a fierce elbow to the head of Oklahoma City Thunder guard James Harden. Harden, the NBA’s Sixth Man of the Year last season and a key player on the Thunder’s Western Conference Championship winning team last season, suffered a concussion and it was speculated that he could miss playing time. World Peace was suspended for seven games and the former All-Star missed a chunk of the Lakers first round playoff series with the Denver Nuggets. The Nuggets took the Lakers to seven games before the Lakers advanced to the second round where they were eliminated in five games by the Thunder.

Two Ludacris songs come to mind: "Move _____! Get Out The Way!" and "Throw Dem 'Bows". 7

Jerry Sandusky for Preparation-H

If I need to explain, you're probably too young to know.

But without the feminine odor.... 8

And last but not least...

Manti Te’o for LensCrafters

The Notre Dame linebacker and 2012 Heisman Trophy runner up made tabloid gold with the revelation that his believed to be deceased girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, was not more than a figment of the imagination of a disturbed hoaxer. Te’o believed, and told the media, that his Kekua was suffering from Leukemia and passed away within hours of his grandmother.

The story was the source of profound embarrassment for Te’o and Notre Dame. Te’o also claimed to have met Kekua at one point, which we now know is an embellishment. If it isn't an embellishment, Te’o is seeing invisible women or has a terrible set of prescription contact lenses. Either way, expect no eyewear endorsements in Te’o’s future.  

I'd say I've seen everything, but I know I haven't yet. 9

1) Image from http://disneyparks.disney.go.com
2) Image from www.deadspin.com
3) Image from www.hahajk.com
4) Image from www.myhoustonmajic.com
5) Image from www.thevictoryformation.com
6) Image from www.boston.com
7) Image from www.rsvlts.com
8) Image from www.thetrendguys.com
9) Image from www.buzzfeed.com

Crash in the Lake

It’s official. The Lakers are going down in flames. They’re falling off of the bridge. They’re being dumped in the lake with cement shoes. The 2012 Lakers are finished!

I think it is too late to add Captain Sully to the Lakers' playoff roster. 1

IT’S JUST ONE GAME, RIGHT?

As you are likely aware, the Los Angeles Lakers were obliterated by 29 points by the Oklahoma City Thunder in Game 1 of the 2012 Western Conference Semifinals. I am not expecting the Lakers’ doom because I have a “sky is falling” disposition. I understand that Game 1 was played at OKC. I understand that in the NBA playoffs the series doesn’t really begin until the home team loses or Game 7, whichever comes first. The aforementioned notwithstanding, the Lakers are dead men walking.


WHO NOT TO BLAME

Teams often go as far as their stars can carry them. Kobe Bryant (28 PPG, 5 APG, 5 RPG) is the Lakers’ unquestioned on-court leader. Bryant is playing as well as I have ever seen him play in the post season, averaging 28 points per game in this year’s playoffs. Do not blame him.

Head coach Mike Brown calls the plays and sets the strategies. Most of the time during the 2012 season, it has worked rather well. He cannot make the players execute at 100% for 48 minutes. Mike Brown never hit Thunder forward James Harden in the head and cost the team its toughest defender, Metta World Peace, for six games of a first round playoff series. Do not blame him.

Scroll to 0:35 to hear who NOT to blame. Sorry, readers, but this is never going to get old to me!

WHO’S TO BLAME

The Jekyll and Hyde acts of Lakers center Andrew Bynum and forward Pau Gasol would befuddle the most un-befuddle-able of spectators. Yes! I said, “unbefuddleable”. Granted, Bynum did not play badly last night, with 20 points and 14 rebounds. But one never knows which Bynum is going to show up, especially on the road away from the Staples Center.

Last night he was almost a tiny silver lining in the dark cloud that was the Lakers. Tomorrow night, he could be completely aloof and checked out, picking up stupid technical fouls, not joining the huddle, and resisting Coach Brown’s game plan. One man rarely completely makes or breaks a basketball team. However, I feel quite confident that if Bynum were fully tuned in from each opening tip to each final buzzer, the Lakers would have disposed of the Denver Nuggets in five games, instead of trailing at home during the fourth quarter of Game 7.

If Bynum duplicates his efforts last night and his teammates to not repeat the abortion of a performance from last night, the Lakers could make the Thunder sweat during this series. When Bynum gives the Lakers a full, focused effort for every minute of all seven games of a seven game series, I’ll wear a purple and gold dress with Bynum’s #17 sewn on the back and the words, “I Was Wrong,” sewn on the name plate.

Pau Gasol (17 PPG, 10 RPG) had been as reliable an offensive post season player as the Lakers had in past years. This year, when he has checked into hotels on the road his mind checks out of the game at hand. Gasol has averaged a paltry 11 points per game and has failed to grab 10 rebounds in any road playoff game this season. Other than Game 7 of the first round series, Gasol has yet to elevate his game up to or beyond his typical game in the regular season.

Blake Griffin was foreshadowing the Lakers' playoff fate, with the Thunder as the firing squad: boom, boom...POW! 2

CHANGES

The Lakers will not win this series. Because, in addition to playing a younger, faster, more athletic Thunder team, the Thunder are hungry and, from all accounts, pushing themselves to the limit during games and in practice. On ESPN radio, I heard a report that Thunder coach Scott Brooks had to veto a decision by his players to engage in two-a-day practices during their nine day layoff between the end of their first round series with the Dallas Mavericks and the beginning of the Western Semis with L.A.

In contrast, I haven’t seen anyone not named “Bryant” or “World Peace” playing with constant, urgent intensity from start to finish in every game. In World Peace’s case, that could be an occasional negative. His brand of intensity can lead to injuries and missed games; ask James Harden.

Point guard Ramon Sessions and reserves Steve Blake and Matt Barnes are solid role players that play their roles well. But playoff series are generally not won by the role players, they simply are not lost. Star players need to rise to the sky and I have little faith in World Peace, Gasol, and Bynum to simultaneously translate their intensity and focus into production on the court night in and night out.

This Lakers team, by its play, is going to send a glaring message to management that this core is not going to win another championship. When the Thunder either sweep the Lakers out of the playoffs or unceremoniously dispose of them in five games, that message will be sent loud and clear from both the players and the fans. This boat is sinking. It’s time to abandon ship.

History repeats itself; Life imitates art. 3

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1) Image from http://gmagoldie.hubpages.com
2) Image from www.memecrunch.com
3) Image from www.kcalfm.com
4) Video from www.youtube.com

Not So Stern Discipline

Metta World Peace of the Los Angeles Lakers was suspended for seven games for elbowing James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder on an inbounds play following a dunk by World Peace. The elbow was clearly intentional. Harden suffered a concussion.

Midwest Sports Fans put together a list of all fourteen suspensions that World Peace (formerly Ron Artest) has served in his career, including this one. This is the third time World Peace has been suspended for seven or more games. According to ESPN.com, World Peace will lose nearly $350,000 in salary from the suspension.

                                  

This "before and after" is ridiculous! 1 (left), 2(right)

HE GOT OFF EASY

Due to the vicious nature of the blow to Harden, and World Peace’s track record, many in sports media speculated that a suspension for the remainder of the season was not off the table. Most who ventured to guess expected World Peace to receive a suspension of at least 10 games, myself included.

Still, for all of World Peace’s antics, he likely got a break from NBA Commissioner David Stern (if one calls missing up to six playoff games and the loss of 350 grand a “break”) because of his relatively good behavior following the infamous “Malice at the Palace” brawl at Detroit in 2004, for which Artest was suspended for a total of 86 games. Of the 14 suspensions chronicled by Midwest Sports Fans in World Peace’s 13 NBA seasons, only three of them, prior to Sunday’s elbowing incident, were handed down to World Peace since the 2004 incident.

I am sure Stern was thrilled to see World Peace's name come across his desk again. 3

CURRENCY IN THE BANK

Since the fight in Detroit, World Peace has been an advocate for animal rights and mental health issues. He has put his money where his mouth is, donating considerable amounts of money and property, including his 2010 championship ring, to worthy causes. Last year, Artest received the J. Walter Kennedy Citizenship Award for outstanding service and dedication to the community by an NBA player, coach, or trainer. Past recipients include Hall of Fame players Magic Johnson, David Robinson, and Joe Dumars.

In the end, I can only guess that David Stern looked at Metta World Peace’s track record, decided that he made a genuine effort to mend his ways over a long period of time, and simply snapped. Similar offenders are suspended for a game or two. While World Peace’s suspension is considerably longer, it was far from a worst case scenario.

World Peace built up a lot of currency. He has now spent it. For his sake, I hope there is no “next time”.


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The Daily Hat Trick is sponsored by Sports N Stuff. For great deals on jerseys, shirts, cologne, and other guy stuff, visit http://www.sportsnstuff.biz/.

1) Image from www.eurweb.com

2) Image from www.huffingtonpost.com

3) Image from http://sports.espn.go.com

James Harden - Helping Him with a Speedy Recovery

As you are likely aware, James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder was elbowed in the head by Metta World Peace of the Los Angeles Lakers. World Peace was suspended for seven games, up to six of which could be playoff games. Harden has not played since due to concussion-like symptoms.

I think Harden deserves an uplifting visit from Shonna, one of the Thunder Girls (OKC dance/cheerleading team).

Harden took one for the team; he should get a little something in return as motivation.
...I meant a visit, you pervs!

Image from www.streetball.com

Throw Dem 'Bows!!!

Los Angeles Lakers forward Metta World Peace (8 PPG, 3 RPG, 27 MPG) threw an elbow to the head of forward James Harden of the Oklahoma City Thunder after scoring a basket in a double-overtime game on Sunday, won by the Lakers. World Peace has a track record as long as the day, though he, prior to yesterday, had stayed out of trouble with the NBA for several years. World Peace, formerly Ron Artest, is the more physically imposing, more normal looking, more offensively skilled but (probably) crazier version of a modern day Dennis Rodman.

This had to hurt. 1

HIS REPUTATION PRECEDES HIM

By my count, World Peace has been suspended over a dozen times in his 13 year career. Unless you are under the age of 15 and are only a very casual or very recent fan of basketball, I am sure the words "Malace at the Palace" have already come to mind. For those who aren't familiar, in 2004 Artest (before he was named World Peace) was among several Indiana Pacers players who were suspended following a minor altercation between Artest and Detroit Pistons center Ben Wallace. After the dust settled between Artest and Wallace, Artest lay on the scorers table. A fan threw a soft drink on Artest while he was on the table. Artest and two other players began fighting with fans and the game was stopped with less than a minute remaining.

World Peace is the same man that thanked his psychiatrist on national television immediately following the Lakers' 2010 NBA Championship. He isn't all there all the time. That said, in between headline-grabbing bouts of lunacy, Artest worked hard to restore his reputation. This was "just an elbow". It is dirty; it is serious; players can be and are badly hurt. Elbows, even intentional elbows, are part of the game of basketball.

I'll bet that guy won't do it again! 2

KISS THE SEASON GOODBYE?

Unfortunately for World Peace, he is a repeat (or three-peat or four-peat...) offender. What would normally garner no more than a five game suspension under the most aggravating of circumstances could get World Peace kicked out for the remainder of the season. Realistically, I don't think we will see him until the second round of the playoffs at the earliest.

This is unfortunate for a Lakers team that got off to a not-so-Lakers like start this season but behind the on court leadership of Kobe Bryant and others (including World Peace) the Lake Show looks poised to make a real run in the playoffs. The problem is that World Peace's value goes way beyond his stat line. He is as close to basketball's version of an enforcer (in hockey) as one will find, only with actual basketball skills on both ends of the floor. The Lakers need World Peace to be on his game to have any shot of winning a title.

The Lakers will play either the Memphis Grizzlies, Denver Nuggets, or the defending NBA Champion Dallas Mavericks (who swept the Lakers in the Western Conference Semifinals last year) in the first round. All three of those teams are less potent when contending with a physical defender like Metta World Peace. World Peace may have not only jeopardized his recovering reputation. He may have cost his team its season.

Harden gives new meaning to "taking one for the team." With World Peace possibly out of the Lakers' lineup, the Thunder, one of the top two teams in the Western Conference, may not have to face the talented Lakers at all in the playoffs. 3

Don't forget to vote in the fan polls!

To advertise with The Daily Hat Trick, or to submit a guest column, please contact the editor at eric@thedailyhattrick.info.

The Daily Hat Trick is sponsored by Sports N Stuff. For great deals on jerseys, shirts, cologne, and other guy stuff, visit http://www.sportsnstuff.biz/.

1) Image from www.deadspin.com

2) Image from www.inhistoric.com
3) Image from http://blog.syracuse.com