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Monday, January 14, 2013

Houston Texans Obituary 2012

While I don't consider myself to be a Houston Texans die hard, I did live in the Space City for a couple of years after graduating from college. I typically pull for Houston teams if they do not conflict with any closer, more personal sports interests and still try to see a few Astros games every summer, in spite of the fact that there is little to see.

The Texans were the last team with which I had any traces personal rooting interests and they were unceremoniously bounced out of the playoffs in the second round for the second straight year. Josh Innes, of J&R (Josh Innes and Rich Lord) on Sportsradio 610 in Houston is a personal friend of mine and he asked me for my two cents on the Texans' season. I offered him the following:

The 2012 Houston Texans season died on Sunday, January 13, 2013, in Foxboro, Massachusetts. Houston suffered from multiple ailments, including decades of championship round starvation, chronic end zone allergies, untimely turnovers, clutch situation under-achievement, lukewarm head coaching, and chronic choking. It was 18 weeks old.
The Texans, child of Bob McNair, are survived by over 60 complacent active, inactive, injured reserve, and practice squad players. Perhaps a second year of bitter disappointment in the Divisional Round may motivate them to spend less time making it rain in the club and more time focusing during training camp in spite of the rain. The Texans are also survived by hundreds of thousands of fans who, while disappointed, are not surprised. The shade of blue has changed, but the result is the same.

The Texans will be buried in the sports media multiple times, eulogized earlier today by Colin Cowherd, Jim Rome, and Dan Patrick. The final services will be held today on Sportsradio 610, eulogies by Josh Innes and Rich Lord. In lieu of flowers, please send a passing attack, including deep threat wide receivers, glasses for Matt Schaub to read defenses in the playoffs, and a pamphlet on the Heimlich maneuver so that, hopefully, the 2013 Texans don’t choke away home field advantage.

Texans logo image from

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