Charlie Sheen Speech to the UCLA Baseball Team

Actor Charlie Sheen, recovering from a recent drug overdose, recently gave a motivational speech to he UCLA baseball team. Video of Sheen advising, "Stay off the crack. Drink chocolate milk. That's all I've got." went viral. However Sheen did draw inspiration for his speech. It turns out that some members of the UCLA team, while hanging out with Sheen, removed some of the actor's precious stash of blow and pills. The Daily Hat Trick has the never before released full transcript of Sheen's inspirational speech to the team, in the locker room before heading to the practice field, inspired heavily by New York Jets coach Rex Ryan. 

Sheen may have borrowed some motivational tactics from coach Ryan. 1

"You guys know me, that I'm about as much of a train wreck of a guy as there is. I believe this team is better than every f-ing team in the Pac-10. I believe our players are better than any players in the league, right? Those are true statements. That's how I believe.

But the team's only going so far if I'm not the only guy on speed. The team is only going so far. I know what it's like to party and do blow off a urinal! I fell off of the wagon right before I drove up here. I can out party everyone myself, this whole group of men. We ain't going to win, guys, if we're using speed. I'm sitting back for us, waiting for us to understand the drug-free team that we said we're going to be, except for me. What the hell are we waiting on? Do you understand that my dope isn't cheap and I could detox at any time? There's a PRICE to PAY!!!

Don't be like me. Now GIVE ME BACK MY DRUGS!!! 2

Can we have fun? You're damn right. I demand that we have fun. Now there's a difference between having fun and being a junkie. Our pitchers were junkies when they "borrowed" some of my stash. That's being a junkie!

You can be a NCAA champion, but not like this! We won't win it. We'll sit back and say 'Why didn't we do it?' We didn't do it because 'Where were Charlie Sheen's Quaaludes?' 

Just play ball and leave the 'Ludes to Sheen. 3

Let's make sure we play like the f-ing UCLA Bruins and not some f-ing slap d__k team! And I want to see my bag of blow back in my hotel room, pronto! That's what I want to see tomorrow. Do we understand what the f___ I want to see tomorrow? Let's stay off the Goddamn crack!"

Sheen wanted to talk about a little more than chocolate milk. 4

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Special thanks to Josh Innes (Rich Lord & Josh Innes) of KILT, CBS Sports Radio 610-AM in Houston, Texas for providing creative inspiration and guidance for this piece. An audio variation of this interview may be heard at a future time, with permission from The Daily Hat Trick, on KILT or its affiliates. 

1) Image from warmingglow.uproxx.com
2) Image from recoveryconnection.org
3) Image from funnys.website.org
4) Image from tmz.com